Friday, November 11, 2005
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....... Im full of regrets now.... or rather unsatisfaction. =(
Status:Came back from Maths Paper 2 O levels, currently blogging, and to rant.
I really dun dun dun dun dun understand. WHy do those Cambridge examiners, or rather questions setter, have to give proving questions at the start of the paper? WHY? I spent nearly 1 hour doing Q1 and 2. JUST 2 QUESTIONS...!!! And!!! SOmehow, I got panicked, due to the time, and I cant figure out what profound EngLish TheY are UsiNg! ALthough its not like I dunno how to do, i figured it out in the end... after the completion of the whole paper. Initially, I have the CONFIDENCE to do proving questions... Now, I would avoid it at ALL COST, but it's not like I have another chance...T.T
WOrst of It, there came the fucking question.... Question 5.... About paying of the carpark fees... No matter what I do, i juz dun get it, cant solve it... Okay, fine, i tried a little while and more more more and i cant get it. So, i gave up. Same for the (b) part... I was despondent. Literally giving up the entire question 5... T.T I didnt count how much points I lost to that fucking QUESTION 5!!!
SHo..... I spent the whole of 2hrs and 30 mins, rushing thru the paper... ANd I didnt check, coz I was busy figuring out Q1 and 2... =( ..... THERE WOULD BE CARELESS MISTAKES!!!!!!~~~~~~~~ AND I DIDNT CHECK!!!!!!!!! T.T
IM THE WORST CANDIDATES IN THE WHOLE WORLD, IM SURE.... One who didnt work hard, didnt check, do so slow..... What more? Oh yea, IM STUPID!!!!!!!
My English was ruined... RUINED!!~~~~~ I wrote a fucking story which I dun like. ANd so, HOW CAN the examiner reading that piece of shitty essay get to like it, and give good grades to it???????? HOW????? I ASK "HOW??????"
The English essay, which is COINCIDENTLY, question 5, about marriage. MARRIAGE, YEAH MY FOOT! I can surely say that, from now on, I will hate hate hate marriage. It has left a deep wound in my heart. No more loves, no more marriages. LIfe can be dull, but I sure dun wan it to be painful. NO-No!!!!
T.T O levels, they say it was a period of no regrets..... I AM FULL OF REGRETS!!!!! You people will sure say that, it's ur own fault to blame. WHy didnt u study hard enough? Why did u keep on playing, running away from ur duties, read manga at a time like this.. and blar blar.
Yeah, sure. dun stop ur lectures. Im listening... Ears fully opened. Im hearing, but my brain is not absorbing any words you all are saying...
I wanted to do well, OF COURSE!!!~~~~~~ I dunno how to explain, but ever since o levels start, i am acting weird...
weird action 1 : my typing in computer is perfect, as least i think it is. 95% is always correct. that was before O levels. Now... 30% is correct, 70% is wrong. I tink the figure should be lower than 30%. ANyway.. my hands arent listening to me. Muscle cordination is getting dull... I need more time than usual just to type this piece of entry. I have to keep on backspacing because of my MISTAKES, typo error. geex... WAD IS WRONG WITH ME???
weird action 2: I keep telling myself to start studying, yet my hands and body reactin is ====> click the mouse, type the keyboard, eyes glaring at the computer screen.
weird action 3: I maybe having a book in my hand, my brain is drifted off to manga world.... *karin!!!~~~ GIN~~~~~~~* or it could be... *HANA YORI DANGO!!!!!!~~* sorts of things like that.
weird action 4: I dun feel safe without the presence of computer. I keep on playing the computer * to explain the word playing= surf the sites with cosplaying, manga downloading, anime download, songs downloading, looking at the display pictures of fellows msn ppl.. all sorts* to no extent...
There is more, but ive forgotten what it is... But I know that, I dun like when people force mi to do something. NO WAY!! Even if it's something I like. SO of coz, studying, which i dun like, is not a choice for mi to do in this nice weather.
SHo, how can i study?????? how????? U TELL MI HOW?!!!!!!!!!
I feel like a stupid fool. DUn even noe how to do Maths q.5, and wrote such a fucking stupid essay for ENglish q.5 ........
No more A1s for MAths~~!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAN THE A1!~!!! *sobs* Mayb most can onli get A2. COz I got quite a few wrongs for Maths paper 1 too. (my answer different from what the others said!!!!!!) ... Im sooooo disappointed. hai~ English..... At most... C5 .... T.T ... I DUN WAN A C5!!!!!! gRRrRrRrrrr. Mayb I go and have another re-exam for next year. Write a better essay. Keh! I dun allow failure in my dictionary!
Hai~~~~~ NEED TO BUCK UP FOR AMATHS LE LAR!!! muz muz muz get A1.. or so i tell myself. My "the other voice" says to relax a while and play some Maplestory. =( I CANT WIN AGAINST MY NEMESIS!!!!!!!! kuso!!!!!!!!!!!
i should juz die.
leave me alone for now.
i am a loner.
i am a failure
nobody should care for me, a stupid fool.
i should just rot here.
there is no words that can save me from the dark abyss of my deep heart
no pain, no love, no nothing. It's juz a void of blankness witing my soul. Im an empty shell, i have no feelings.