Saturday, March 10, 2007
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わたし ピアノが好きの？ 本当は何も知らないんだ。
What is the feeling of like? It seems I have lost this feeling. The motivation, diligence, and everything else. It has been lost with the time that has slipped by.
Living as though the time has stopped even when you are moving. The memories and experiences had been left behind without realising. A living corpse.
Have I ever liked anything behind, I am beginning to doubt this fact, or is it just an illusion that I've even liked something before. Probably it's not like, it's just an feeling of not wanting to give anything up to something else. What a bad character.
How should I answer when she asked me again, if I fail the exam this year?
Frankly, I ... probably don't know? Or rather, for now, I think even if I failed, it doesnt matter. No, I think that I deserved the fail mark. How pathetic. If it's like that, then why am I even registering for the exam in the first place? SHouldnt I enjoy it? BUt now, I feel despair and "anything" for it. I dont like it, I don't like myself for having that kind of thoughts.
THe lazy me. It has spread itself all over that I wouldn't move until something really emergency happened. What is really happening?
To add on, I am more defiant. NOt just to authorities and parents. TO other things and people too. Even though I shouldnt say "No" when I should say "Yes", I like to say the opposite. I like the feeling of defying them, not going with the current. It calms me and makes me feel that I'm controlling at least something.