.: † 『 Fragments of WinGs 』 † :.

2007-11-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

I am seriously confused.

I have the feeling that I have been like that ever since that day, ever since I made that decision. I told myself that I won't regret it.

So, I won't regret. I've learnt many things and I think it's another form of experience. BUt did I really make the wrong choice? I don't know.

That is my phrase: I don't know.

What I know is that, even if the clock turns back, I would still have made that choice, it's because if I didn't, I will surely regret.

I don't know how to describe, but I was adamant about it. I have to get into it to make myself believe in it and to know what it is all about.

But not, I don't know if I could go on. It might be a wrong choice from teh very beginning, I don't doubt, because I know that I have been deceiving myself for the longest of time ever since I went in. Lying to myself that I love to make things while in actual fact i don't. I've made some hard work (not exactly the whole body hard work) but I realised that none of it works. i still don't know what exactly I was doing.

I kept being disappointed, and tried to be positive and thought of many ways and paths which I could go even being there. But I'm sicked of it. sicked of the every lies that I've made to myself. But even till now, this decision... it might not be the best, and i don't know if it will change how i work from now on. i just hope that.... it will work out in the end. or at least i will feel happier. or maybe i can be more honest with myself.

but ultimately, I hope that I could have a decent job, pay back all those money that I've wasted. That's the only thing I could do for them. THe more i stayed, the more I thought that I couldn't pay back the money, and I would have to ask for more isntead of earning myself. So god, please, if this is the right decision, make it right once and for all, and let me repay my debt. I will memorise till every single cell is being used up. SO please, let me get a decent job and I won't complain about being restricted for now i realise that restriction is my way of life. freedom is not mine.

I;m so sorry for the inconvenience caused, but please help me. thank u. =)

2007-03-10T01:35:00.000+08:00

わたし　ピアノが好きの？　本当は何も知らないんだ。

ただ、好きの気持ちを忘れ。。。

どうすればいいのか　もうわからないです。

What is the feeling of like? It seems I have lost this feeling. The motivation, diligence, and everything else. It has been lost with the time that has slipped by.

Living as though the time has stopped even when you are moving. The memories and experiences had been left behind without realising. A living corpse.

Have I ever liked anything behind, I am beginning to doubt this fact, or is it just an illusion that I've even liked something before. Probably it's not like, it's just an feeling of not wanting to give anything up to something else. What a bad character.

*sigh.....*

How should I answer when she asked me again, if I fail the exam this year?

Frankly, I ... probably don't know? Or rather, for now, I think even if I failed, it doesnt matter. No, I think that I deserved the fail mark. How pathetic. If it's like that, then why am I even registering for the exam in the first place? SHouldnt I enjoy it? BUt now, I feel despair and "anything" for it. I dont like it, I don't like myself for having that kind of thoughts.

THe lazy me. It has spread itself all over that I wouldn't move until something really emergency happened. What is really happening?

To add on, I am more defiant. NOt just to authorities and parents. TO other things and people too. Even though I shouldnt say "No" when I should say "Yes", I like to say the opposite. I like the feeling of defying them, not going with the current. It calms me and makes me feel that I'm controlling at least something.

だからなさえない

バカだな
救われないほどのバカだ
嫌いでいっても何も感じない

もうあとには戻れないって気がする

悲しい。。。

＝（

2006-09-27T22:44:00.000+08:00

I like history.

THe past.

Because the past has been written, it cannot be changed and I can only accpet it.

While the future? Full of mystery and uncertainties, not my cup of tea.

Hence I hate future, and to me, my future is uncertain and not beautiful at all.

I admire the past and wished to know more about it, and do not know where to start from and how to touch it.

I borrowed a book from the library, about the History of Europe.

Very interesting. However... I do not understand half of what it was talking about, obviously telling me that I lacked the foundations to even read it.

I suppose if it is really true, I lack the foundations.

Europe's history is linked with the Middle East and well, jesus and whole lotsa things. What paleolithic, neolithic... Paleolithic is the time where ppl supposed to be the using of unpolished metals where hunters used, and neolithic is the time using polished and unchipped metal used for farming.

I wonder if I said correctly.

Oh and, something about Byzantine(is this how it's spelt?) period. Linked with Eastern Roman Empire. Not sure of the rest...

And the language used in Europe:
Greek in Roman Empire
Latin
German
???
and English

I onli know the first language used in the old Roman Empire, I cant remember the rest of the languages used in what empire.

WHy is there so many empire? I dunno...

And if i can get to university, probably I should study history? Haha, sounds like an impossible future full of aspirations when I can tell you that it's definitely a dream within a dream.

Besides that Europe's history boook, I have 3 more books "How to Draw" and "The photoshop CS2 Help DeskBook" and "Learning ActionScript 2.0". The first 2 books mentioned were borrowed, the last was bought.

Hope I can read them........ especially ACTIONSCRIPT, the nemesis of all animation students! ok fine, only my nemesis.

I read a phrase of word recently that said something about make the things that make u bitter better... Exact phrase is forgotten.

It was seen with the phrase of words I chose while in tuition last year "No one could predict to what height you can Soar. Even you will not know until you spread your wings."

It was motivating phrases.

...........................

Lost my interest in writing again, I guess Im cant grasp what im thinking into writing. I sux. My brain is full of cross wires whihc confused me whenever Im htinkin of things.........

I hate myself. and Im missing a whole lot of life. my life is meaningless. i should not be born and eat and compete food with those people who needed them MORE.

i sux

2006-09-27T22:32:00.000+08:00

I wanna change the skins.... of the blog. But how do I exactly change it, without knowing the html and the slicing? I've got the main design for the whole thing, but ... I heard that you need to slice it and blar blar blar. And whats with the html? I got no clues at all.

I just wanna get a whole new fresh look here, white and clean, not BLACK and dull. bleh.

Whatever~~ Im having a very slight headache. One that will come fast and go fast. I think my blood has something wrong, or my brain's the one that has the problems. Whenever I wake from my sleeping position, the headache comes, something like the inability to transfer (is this the right word? I think im feeling sleepy...) blood to the brain and will cause stroke. Weird~~

Oh yar, the main theme of this entry should be: SoreZore no Life.

The exact translation? Im not so sure either... I think it's everyone's life.

I get these weird feelings whenever I read about people's life on blog or internet or other sources, and not contraint to just read, knowing includes as well.

When you are sitting in front of your laptop, knowing how other people live their life... I feel insignificant. THe feeling "The world is sooooooo BIG". ANd all sorts of question comes into my head. EG: wad is the person living there doing? how is the life there? is the surrounding good? is there any huge news going on down there?
blar blar blar

really insginificant. and small.

somehow, I feel like Im the one wasting time reading other people's life while trying to compare mine and theirs and feel inferior and perhaps superior?

and this leads to another question: Is blogs meant for inferiority and speriority?

that's a stupid and lame question that no one in their right mind would think of, except my problematic head...

normally, if you think that your life is your own to hold, there's nothing wrong with other pppl reading it, and definitely there's no inferiority nor superiority.

unless, someone like me who feels terribly unconfident of her life and future...

.
..
...
....

somehow, i do not know how to continue this... forget it, this entry sux~ on to my history part

2006-08-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

I feel so good and satisfied after typing such a long entry, even though it make no sense at all...

HAHAHAHAHA

Love's Theory

2006-08-30T20:27:00.000+08:00

Love is Stupid.

If someone who is looking at this and is in love, he/she will say, "I bet this person never falls in love." (Somewhere along that line)

Oh yar, so Im gonna reply "Hell, you are so right! But havent you heard "Love blinds people"? You are now sooooo blinded that you can't even see where you are. Probably I am the only sane one who can expose teh lies of LOVE!"

Whatever... Forget what I write above, its bullshit. However, that is what I feel after watchin so many romance videos/manga: My name is Kim Sam Soon, Full House, Goong, Parfait Tic, Honey and Clover, Bokura ga Ita... (is there more? I cant remember... fuck) Anyway, let's begin my theory...

According to "My Name is Kim Sam Soon", when a person falls in love (from what i know, falling in love means your heart goes -awwwwww- and skips alot when looking at that person) the human brains produce some hormones which cause all that symptoms and it is also the same hormone (In female) that nurtures an embryo (hahaha, i've forgotten how to spell that initially so i got help from Huiying.. ahhahahaha). Btw, the hormoney htingy..... Im not sure if its really true but anyway let's just believe its true.

So concluding my previous paragraph, what Im tryin to say is that...... Love is actually caused by hormones.... Don't you feel it's a little fake here? Love is FAKE, F-A-K-E. ALso, in that drama, they pointed out that there isn't "eternal love", so otome-tachi! don't get yourself in love cause what you are dreaming doesnt exist anywhere. What you dreamed can only be in stories and novels. ANd if you truly believe in eternal love, sure there will be... Of course, it may or not happen to you in the end, but it's your choice in beliving and the faith...

Another point to prove that love is stupid...

IN this situation: You are the heroine, you love (i mean secretly admiring) this guy, Guy 1. However, Guy 1 has his own admirations with another girl and he doesnt notice you no matter what contract or promise you 2 are in. Too bad. However, the god pitites you and sent you a guy, Guy 2. Guy 2 likes you.

===> Guy 2 likes Heroine. Heroine likes Guy 1. Guy 1 likes Girl. Girl might like Guy 2 or just that Girl doesnt want to have any affliction with any guys...
*The ending is different depends on the original author. Read those titles I've given in the beginning if you wan to know what the ending is*

Typical storyline, eh? But this is the plot I've been looking at ever since my holiday started, in those Videos, Animes, and MANGAS!!!! So there you are, readiing my Love's Theory. You, now, could be thinking I've gone mad after reading and looking at those videos. Whatever you think, I still must write all these down for the theory!

Ok, where am I? Oh yar, the 4-side love. What I am trying to say is that, when you are the heroine and faced with such a situation.... It's better you take Guy 2 or stop beliving in love and deduce that it's all your body's system that is making you weird. Thats the truth of the world.

Besides... While you are living, you have many many many more to worry about, why make yourself even more burdened with ur love troubles?

... Fine, I sound like some1 who hates love... Oh and I admit that, coz it's stupid... =\ UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im mixing my frustrations in life with the love theory... forget it......

I'm running out of idea what I wanted to write in the beginning.... Sounds like the end of the post already...... SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!! WHAT WAS I GONNA WRITE???? Fine let me end ehre, I shall edit this post when I remembered what I wanted to write!

Sarabajya!

2006-08-30T20:04:00.000+08:00

I HATE BLACK!!!!!

That was 1 sentence made in impulse due to the increasing difficulty of reading the blog... Or maybe it's just that the design of the blog looks very weird with my laptop. It looks terribly small... It's just me, Im not criticising the design, it's just ME!!!!

okay, i guess Im having depression again?! Not sure, but I can't stop feeling unsure, i mean "fuan"(In jap).

Uncertainities...

WHATEVER!!!!!!!

I feel like dumping every burden I have on this earth and fly towards some infinite space or something....

Oh my~ I think I've got stupid or something. Whatever I wrote, said, typed, it doesn't make sense any longer. Be it spoken, read, whatever... Could it be that I've stayed too long in the house rotting in front of animations? Or is it because I've not read 1 book every since O level ended? OR is it that I went to Poly and my course doesnt require any brain ( i mean the studying side of the brain) work....

Whatever the reason might be, I definitely have/has/had (?) become/became stupid. Im feeling very upset due to my inferiority.

Yes, overflowing emotions, I dun even know where to start, when it started...

Im so useless......

Why is there people out there digging other people's organs and sell them when I live here quite comfortably? SHouldn't I be the one who should die?? NO?????????

What have I done in my previous life to enjoy such comfort which i Think I do not deserve??/ WHY WHY WHY WHY?

Life is full of mysteries and questions...

The answer could only be answered when I died and when I asked the Hades... I hope I remember my queries when I died so that I can ask why...

RANDOM

2006-08-07T18:41:00.000+08:00

i feel like changing the blog skin...

btw, i read my past entries... it feels like reading someone else's entries... what a weird feeling...

and because i was reading my past entries, i realise how hard it is to read it, so i wanted to change the skin...

and..... i think my past entires are quite interesting (some). hahahahaha... wad an egoistic person ! (me i mean)

anyway, 1 MORE DAY BEFORE TEH HOLIODAY BEGINS!!!!! i mean... 1 more day till the satanic viva presentation ENDS........................

2006-08-05T00:19:00.000+08:00

i feel like bloggin coz i feel like it.

okay most of the projects are over.................................

BUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!

the most most most porblematic problem has arose! the VIVA schedule.

I do NOT know why it is even called VIVA.... sounds like DIVA from that blood+ which is EVIL and nothing good can come out of it. WORST situation ever...

Monday 11.15 FCP Presentation (OSB + EDWARD [he seems like the silent type meaning no matter if you are good or bad, he will have the poker face. no offence though. that's how he is in my imagination]

Tuesday 3.00PM PP1 Presentaition ( F + Suresh [also duno hwo the hell he is...])

Conclusion: Dead. Two presetations in 2 consecutive day.

Side Note: i've to go for the speech day on tuesday too on aaaaa veryyyyyy early morning. like 7.45? which is considered early for me... =(

And why the fuck do we have DPM this week? Isn't it holiday already???????? Why WHy WHy"???

Oh and not to mention. piano probs? I really at my dead ends...

No solutions, I've to meet those oncoming problems straight on. Forgive me head!!!

Im so stress, (I think its stress)...

so saddddddddd

depression

im gonna cry any time (not on the outside but i can clearly hear my heart tearng away.. painful!)

2006-07-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

Im getting post-holiday syndrome, in other words missing the holidays, and before-project-dealine syndrome, in other words scared of the project deadline. But after the deadline it iwill be holidday....

okay, let me think of my next week schedule.

i have to die-die think of IAC survey questions + the important hypothesis. my gdf project sketches that takes up dunnoo how many percent of the entire semester. the research of some famous practition who i decide to be miyazaki something de, the ghlibi person who made totoro and spirited away. shit, i cant even remmeber his full name!!! pp1...... i do not even know where to begin.... i have not fulffiled my promises that i had made in my reflection... fuck. wadever... i juz hope he dun scold me tml!!!!! although in the dark, i hope that ang hor will brief us on wad to do tml for this week instead of asking ME, and specifically ME, on wad i had done!!! im so fucked up, oh i mean screwed up.

DPM... photo..... nothing.. i hope. juz the preparation of goin to botanic and the photo story thingy... esplanade i think....
drf............ ummmmmm i juz hope there isnt any sudden project coming up that iwll kill me, alright, forced me to commit suicide.

THE BIG BIG BIG PROBLEM OF PDA!!!!!! he havent even teach us on the first week of school reopening, and he announced the project?? im gonna die die die, wad is action script? some one tell me??? i relaly do not knwo and i havent even dl the project thing. =E

and next week? i have japanese section (oh thank god it's the only thing that saved me from my chaotic and stressed life) and vocab that i had never know is coming up.... the hard thing is coming up... i NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION!!! and in the mornin!!! i juz hope im a genius , and this prodigy thing cant be apply to me anymore since.... im almost 20? well not yet but almost... 17. odd number, odd life...

AND AND AND!!!! JULY IS COSFEST... shu jun gonna go cosplay, zhiqian gonna go cosplay, diana also cosplaying... and all of them are cosplaying gothic lolita... oh god~~~~ i will be walking some cute zombies, if they are all black...

and nadn ....... i will also have to wake up early too!! im so stressed up... since sunday was supposed to be my homework rushing day. that means i have to do my projects during weekends!! all of them!!!!!!!!!!! ok ok, im very calm...

and and... piano? i was supposed to hae piano on sunday for just 1 month, so that means.... next week... after my regular sunday holy sacred jap i will rush off to yamaha.. without stopping at ANYWHERE! sry shujun~ u can shop if u wan, i cant.... T_T

ok ok, IM VERRRRRRRRRRY CALM...

EXCEPT THAT I THINK I ALREADY HAVE THESE -depression + stress + too much projects + dun wan to do anything + feel liek sleeping every now and then + cannaot go home early depression ,_+++++ etc SYNDROMESSSSSSSSSSSS. I NEED A PYSCHOLOGIST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

help me!! i think im gonna go mental instituition soon? consultations!!! conselling!!!! wadever!!!!!!!!

ah ru jue bi~

Baby BOom?!

2006-06-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

Here's some of my CUTE CUTE CUTE AND STILL VERY CUTE AND YES IT'S VERY CUTE photos of me taken during ... when im a baby.

Im so sure that the world would be burst with baby if everyone sees my photos. And blast it, babies are a pain stuck in the arse, you can have the faces of them, but not THEM!

aren't I a cutie??? I heard that it was taken by my uncle...

That's my sweet tooth! or was it teeth? anyways, that my legendary buck tooth milk teeth!

im not sure if i remember that scene, but i sure do hell remember that matress of mine! the rainbow!! I kept looking at the rainbow!! Now that I remember, IT WAS A RAINBOW! wad a stupid shit i was when i was a baby....

oh yes my second legendary, The Middle Finger!! I've been very vulgar since im a baby, watch out!

OH yar, DUN KEEP LOOKING AT MY PAMPERS!! THAT'S SO RUDE!! The skirt (?) was so short... Oh god, i was being exposed!!
MOre to come~

muahahaha

2006-05-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

Self-reflection day has come.

Some people does things that really makes you think if you are really worth living in this world. As for me, my answer is always no. I always do think that im not supposed to be even born in this world, im not worth it, considering the damages ive done and everything.

However, i do not have the courage to die, the fear of pain...

And if someone hates you? It's as if someone just struck a stick right through my heart, if i ever were to confront such a truth. But, that's the truth, and i cant deny it. If he/she wants to hate me, go ahead, i cant change the fact that you hate me. But in turn of hating me, i will hate you back, that's the way of my self-protection.

To save my pride and heart, ive to hate you back, if not i could really go for suicide. however as i mention, im afraid of pain, i couldnt go for suicide.

if u ever see me dead, it's most likely somebody kiled me or i accidentally kill myself in the process, it owuldnt be possible if i wanted to kill myself.

and there comes another problem: am i really that self-egoistic? hmmm, mayb i should use proud. Am i proud? Proud in what ways? Academic? Interpersonal relationship?

IF i am ini the academic area, proud i mean, that's because that's the only thing on earth that i can rely confidently on. I do not have the so-called self-confidence, hence i could only push my pride all to my academic affairs. forgive it if u want, dun if it irks u.

as for interpersonal relationship, that's bullshit. relationship? i wan to sever all those ties, not to mention anything thats related to relationship.

humans are selfish, rarely (myab for some) can we give up our personal gains to satisfy others. at least for me, i cant. then why do we even have to build up relationship when all humans did was to use the others?

i do not wan to see those things, however, i myself may be doing that without realising im using the others. that's one my reason for mi not to live in this world.

when is my death coming?

and im so sure i will be frightened of the date of death if i ever know it

my life is full of false and contradiction

why am i living?

to help? to harm? to destroy?

多分、生きているは．．．理由なんかいないよね

何だか　ちょっと寂しいと思います

私には　居場所なんて　いないから

2006-05-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

Oh wad the hell, seems like the "age-IST" post is onli 1 or 2 days old? That's so boring.

Well yeah, Im kinda bored. As in psychologically. Coz i do have ALOT of homeworkds, mind you, im not very free. BUt i dun feel like doing. COz... well coz i dun feel liek doing. It's neverending, but if i never do it, i will never be able to hand in. and i will need to stay up night and do it, which i dun wan, but i lazy to do!!!

for example, i need to do SCENARIES. drawings. and find pics of animals. and and and 10 sketches of how ur poster will looks like, and and the re-doing of my "cracked" and "flower" typography, and and e-card, and and IAC and possible the increased of comT.

So in short, i do not have time to spare, not in the least of even BLOGGING. and yet here i am, yes, blogging. how contradictin i am and how un-time-managing i sitll is. shit me.

i hate me

wadever

i love pandas

zen is using the pandas as advertisement, are they tryin to make me zen slave?

no no, i wun give in even though its PANDA!!

why is there a sudden influx of pandas on the tv when i announced to the whole world that i LOVE pandas?? WHY WHY WHY??

coz the world centre's around me?

yeah rite bullshit. im not like suzumiya haruhi in the least. even if i do hope for it...

i am mi, no 1 can makes me into someone else...

except myself... =(

T_T

2006-05-20T20:32:00.000+08:00

The newest and gonna be oldest post.

...

Stupid POly life.

Whatever expectations I had for the Poly is now vanished.

WHy?

ReflectionSSSSSSSS.

Like I havent write enough of reflections during my Secondary School. WHY IS THERE STILL MORE REFLECTIONS??????????

and their reflections aren't for us to improve on our english, it just plain old content, if im correct.

and the IS? Speech and SPeech, and INTERVIEW~!!!!!!!!

When is that gonna end???

OK fine, it's ending, Im just glad that the S&W arent startin in the first semester for me. I HATE SPORTS

PLAIN OLD SIMPLE!!!!! I HATE SPORTS AND I WILL NEVER LIKE IT!!

and one more thing: I love my fats. =)

Im not dying to remove it. I only want to remove the weight, not the fats. Fats are good, they protect your organs by forming a protective layer around it so that it will absorb shocks. Good, aren't it? ANd it keeps you warm if you are in a cold country. So why do we want to get rid of them? They are sooooooo nice..

W-H-A-T-E-V--E-R.

LAstly, I know i have problems with my personality. BUt i dun intend to change it, even if it means hurting people and harming them OR making them pissed with me. I will lose out in the society, not you. Do not worry about anything. Im bound to fail in the end. I will experience the pain of the experience and grow. Dun say things behind my back and ask me to change it coz I wun.
Save your "effort" sucker.

And what's wrong with having problems? Humans can't live without problems, we would be too bored. When there's a problem, we will think, and time will fly, and that's what makes experience.

A leopard never changes it spots, dun make mi change mine. That makes me different from the others. I am who I am, I'm not what you want me to be, coz i will never be.

"SAY IT LOUD AND PROUDLY: FUCK YOU!!!!!"

2006-05-01T12:56:00.000+08:00

Oh no, i forgot to add this to my list of buying: SOny Ericsson z800i.

I;ve changed my target from NEC to sony ericsson, since no one could tell mi if NEC is good enough, although its a jap brand and i would very much trust it.

it's cool isnt it? the camera can roll~~ the screen is rather big too, though not as big as panasonic V series.

BUt the thing is, it's rather old, arent it? and i dun see anyone holdin this phone. according from gsmarena, the phone was released somewhat during 2005. OLD!!! but i still love it.

ANd my bro says that sone ericsson ( call is SE, the words too long) phones are quite good, function-wise.

i might as well choose that. BUt.... No money right now, shall wait. Imnot a phone person so actually I can use wadever phone u gave mi. BUt i muz love the design. that's all

ANDDDDDDD!!!! I THINK IM GOIN TO START JAP COURSE, of course, there's a need for money too.

IN THIS TIME OF THE SOCIETY, ITS MONEY EVERYWHERE. ART FRIENDS, PENS, MARKERS, MAGIC PENS, DIGITAL CAMERA, 3 IN 1 PRINTER, AND JAP COURSE, AND PHONES???!!

well, that's it. See you all when Im bankrupt. *jappy~~ are u goin to be mine???*

*1 more thing, the above picture is taken from sonyericsson.com, copyright law... sigh....*

2006-05-01T12:20:00.000+08:00

I've not blogged for quite a long time, and I guessed it's time for mi to pick up my hands again onto the keyboard.

I wonder if it's because of the "stress" of the going to school again.

Well, yeah, I am now goin to the "TERTIARY" school as stressed by the lecturers/teachers (I think I will stick to teachers, since I dun really have any lectures, and I couldnt find any words to describe their profession)

And they said that POlytechnics and University are in the "TERTIARY" level, while ONLY the JCs are considered the "non-tertiary"... Poor JC-cians.... nowhere to belong to.

BUT HEYY!! Who cares if we are in the tertiary or not? OH, i know why, there's some difference. The JCs used student fares, while we, the "TERTIARY" students are grown-ups and have to use the adult fares. AND ALSO, since we are "TERTIARY" students like the Universtity students, we are supposed to have RESPONSIBILITY in wadever we do.

Well, yar. BUt I thought all human beings on this PLANET EARTh has to have RESPONSIBILTY? even though you are a child? Isnt that right? Maybe the parents, with the mission to instill the RESPONSIBILITY word into the baby's head, have to keep on naggin about RESPONSIBILITY, and the child had only first heard this word...

And in the end, HUMAN BEINGS HAVE THE RESPONSIBILTY THING IN THEIR HEAD~!! and if they dun do it, it's their problem.

So I dun think the school need to mention SO MANY TIMES THAT WE ARE TERTIARY STUDENTS WITH THE "RESPONSIBILTY". They can just said it once.

Orientation is pure B-O-R-I-N-G. runing around the campus to play games? Well, i think they could just give us a campus tour instead of campus game, kkinda wasting time.

Although the student council did try their best to think of such things, I APPRECIATE TAT, i really do. So i shan't complain anymore.

AND WADS WITH THE BUYIN OF LAPTOPS AND BUYIN THIS AND THATS????? that's hellava lotsa things to buy. Let mi list dwn:

1)Art Friend package (LOtsa things, and i dun care wad it is as long as it is being USED, which adds up to $36 about there)

2)3 in 1 printer. (coz my printer cant be used, i need one FUNCTIONING PRINTER, and to include photocopyin and scanning, who knows wad they wan to do. make it better with 3 in 1)

3)Digital CAMERA. I dun take photos ALOT. IN fact, I didnt touch the camera ever since im 8 yrs old. Not to mention camera phones. I dun use it, since I dunno how to use it. IM practically camera-idiot.

4)Black pens, Black Markers, Black Magic pens OF DIFFERENT NIB SIZES. OK... I know that they have to use such things. But , WADS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MARKERS AND MAGIC PENS????? I SERIOUSLY DUNNO!!! and where can i get them? Art friends? Pure expensive to feece us. ANd i think there's many nib sizes, and how many should I get? Wad brand??? SOMEONE ANS MY QUESTIONS!!!!!)

5)Laptop Sleeve. I have one bag, yeah, the one that sj's intro mi to buy. ANd I thought it was really cool, it is cool. BUt with one disadvantage: Sling. When you carry it, ur shoulder can go "crack~~~~~" something like that. BUt hey, that's not all, let mi give you one example that did happen in real life, TO ME, and its VERY EMBARASSING.

I was carryin that bag with the laptop on the bus, wantin to go sec sch to collect my cert. The bus was kinda crowded, but not VERY crowded. ANyway, I was standing at a very uncomfortable position, but it doesnt matter as long as Ive got something to hold onto. Then, (because I was with Kohli, she went with mi to collect cert. BUt there was this group of ppl that squeeze their way in and separate us, CURSE THEM) the bus take a turn. There shouldnt be anything to worry about, since it was juz a turn, and I've had something to hold onto, and Im very confident of my balancing skill. Except that... the bag became somehting that cause mi to fall. SInce im carryin it in the shoulder style, (not sling, im not sure how to descrribe, anyways) and when it turns, the bag changes my centre of gravity. (you know, like a pendulum? IM the bob that is rolling, while the bag is like the axis of my centre of gravity), and i couldnt control my balance anymore, my hand was still gripping, but I juz fall~~~

AND I LANDED ON A LADY SITTING ON THE CHAIR, ON HER LAP!!!!! FUCKIN EMBARASSING. Im glad it wasbnt a guy that was sitting on the chair, if not I would have jump off the bus and run away regardless of where I am.

I AM SOOOO NOT CARRYIN THAT BAG WITH A LAPTOP AGAIN. and not takin that bus no. AGAIN! NEVER, in case i met that lady and she will curse me.

I WILL NEED TO GET THE LAPTOP SLEEVE AND CARRY MY LAPTOP IN MY ARMS. HUG IT LIKE A BABY. FUCK U BAG!!!

PHEW~ venting of my embarassment.

ANyway back to the school topic..

I hate research. They asked us to resaerch about lines, texture, value, contrast, balance, shape. I've searched it, got the definition. BUT IM NOT SURE WAD AM I RESEARCHIN ABOUT!!!!!! That is so not right. I need to grasp wad is ART all about.

Damn, I really lacked the art genes... PLEASE AWAKE MY HIDDEN ART GENES!!!!!! I NEED YOU TO SURVIVE IN THE ART INDUSTRy!!!!!!

And mayb I am regretting a little, as in not choosing the science path. Imagine that mayb you could find a cure for AIDS (or not since when u are steppin into the scicen path, another deadly disease had appeared out of nowhere again). AND!!! SJ is RESEARCHIN ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!! how i love that, i really love that, really, not sarcastically.

BUT STILL, ive decided on this path, and I will walk through it no matter what. I dun wan to live my life regretting that I didnt take the animation path when obviously I could have. Live my life as if there's no tomorrow.

That's just some beautiful words that are used to cover up. Wadever. I dun care.

Ive chose that, and I might as well walk it. This could be a god's choice. NOt mine. I dun mean to say that if there's anything wrong I should blame the gods. Uh~~

Everything related to god is contraditing, no more gods in this blog! BUt i truly believe in destiny though, which is god-related?

WADEVER!!!!!!!

this is just ey contradicting post of mine, dun read it if u dun want to! but.... if u've read this line, that means u've read the whole thign. gRrrRr I DUN CARE ANYMORE!!!

THIS IS THE SHOUTING OF THE YOUTH!!!!!!!!! (wadever that means, i dunno)

2006-04-02T12:31:00.000+08:00

it suddenly dawned on me...

that i am flawed.

no, i know from the start that i am flawed, but not this FLAWED.

Humans are never perfect, but we sought perfection.

that is 1 of our duty in living.

to live in a building-perfection world.

it's because we dun have, that's why we wished and hoped for it.

yet, we can never accomplished it.

1 moment, we find the cure of a disease, the next second another deadly virus runs rampaging around.

when can we ever reach the ultimate peace?

never

i suppose

i am flawed, in a very bad way

in a way that i can never be saved

i cannot interact with people i have lost touch with

there's no connection anywhere

even now, i couldnt find a connection with ppl already around me

i am a failure

in living

as human

the sad truth

is always depressing and upset

and through this,

i can have my way of consoling myself

the pathetic me

i dun need anyone to console me

because if they did

they will only hurt my pride

my ego

is the thing that keeps me drived

i am dependent on it

without it

i am as good as dead

dun

dun...

dun ever hurt my pride

Humiliation is something that i learned my lessons from

but i hate that feeling

i like to run away

and never face the problem

it's the only way i can live

I am FLAWED

and leave me alone

in my imperfect world

a world where i sought my ego and self-assurance.

2006-03-31T16:20:00.001+08:00

yup, back from lumch end everything.

last day sux. why? i wanted to finish every task given to me by the end of the day. hence, i rushed, and there's still time left before 6pm. so... i have to find myself things to do, if not, the boss will find out that im playin games, and MIGHT retrieve back the cheque issued to me. of course, i will use all my power to stop him from doing that, and take my back with the cheuqe and rush to the door, press the button for the lift, and ride down.

gRrrRR... i should do something i like for a while before resumin back to work.

let's tok about my laptop. MacBook Pro. it costs $3000++++. A dent in my account book. I wanna cry over it. forget it. the thing is, something is botherin me. that is, if the lecturer = teacher, thinks that ive no talents in these area, and i have to drop the subject. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE STUPID LAPTOP? OR RATHER ME????/

1ST OF ALL, only MMA and films& media studies need Apple laptop, the others: Lenova, Dell or Acer.

And if i drop that subject, wad shall i do with the laptop? crush it? sell it? even if i sell, i wun get back that amount i paid for, its a lost. I hate that.

damn it.

anyways, let's look at MacBook Pro's beautiful stances. Its a beauty, i tell u.

http://www.apple.com.sg/macbookpro/gallery/index2.html

LIfe is....

2006-03-31T12:19:00.000+08:00

Let's see... Today is Friday. THe last day of my working days in xxxxxx xxxx law xxxxxxxxxxx. Yes, a lot of X's. Im not goin to disclose wads the company's name is, fear of the copyright law. Yes, to me, even mentioning the name has to do with copyright law. That's how frightening copyright law is. *shudders*

And worst of all, Im writing now during working hours. I wonder if it's because today's the last day, that's why Ive got no work. ALmost. Anyways, im supposed to just sit here and type until my lunchtime. Im gonna go Macdonald, eat my fries and maybe IceMilo/COke wadever.

The thing is, Today Im supposed to last till 8. COz my piano is at 7pm. I left at 6pm (if punctually, that is), rush/walk/run to MRT across the street & pass trafffic light. RUn dwn the elevator (and god bless me dun fall and break my head), and take out my wallet (yes, multitasking), go to the money feeder gate, den wait for the train to come.

and hopefully, i arrive on time.

Anyways, I've ordered my notebook, why cant they call them laptop instead? Its apple brand. its.....

MacBook Pro

uh-oh. here comes work. blog later. if im given the time, =P

Blissful

2006-02-28T17:46:00.000+08:00

What makes the world wonderful?
It's the satisfaction you get from food~!!
Yeah~!!!!!
I have been possessed by the sweet god.
I love sweet food, and I want to eat them!!!
Ice-creams!!!!!!
CHocolate!!!
Wadever thats sweet!
Oh well, this is another bored entry, made to, yes, entertain myself.
ciao~

Pandas

2006-02-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

Pandas, this is wad im gonna blog about.

I called myself "Panda" in jj. WHy? No reason, i Juz thought that its fun, and i should give a nickname to myself. =D. It's rather stupid, but IM ALWAYS stupid, so it doesnt matter. I thought that "since its the 1st 3 months, might as well be more daring and do something that u dun dare usually."

ANd so i does it. JJ likes to do something, or rather almost everywhere likes to do this, and that is "INTRODUCTION". i hate this ever since secondary school. ANd practically, JJ does that every day every lesson. So, I didnt really disclose my name, even though they know my name. I introduce myself as "Helow~~ Im Panda, u can call me Panda, u know that cute cute black-and-white bear? Yeah, that's my name =D "

I said it in chinese lesson, geography and juz choir. And that's that. By the time it was other subjects' tutorials, many days had past, and the teachers thought that there isn't any reasons for introduction since we know each other quite well.

So that's that.

This is how i looked like when im bored. yeah, really bored...

This is wad I do with my classmates/friends... =X OPPs, no no. My friends arent panda, one of them is JELLYFISH, the soft soft 99% or 90% made of water de. Yeah, that jellyfish. And one of them is jr. necki. =D

That's how i looked when im eating. =D. SO cuteeee!~~~ hahhahahahha]

*by the way, realise that the pics are getting bigger and bigger? juz a note. heh.

Credits:http://www.maialino.it/amici/panda.htm
and some more webby that i forgot to copy down. SORRY! THOSE PICS ARENT MINE!!

2006-02-21T17:05:00.000+08:00

WHO'S THAT?????

ITS COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE LONG-AWAITED PICTURE (ok, nobody is anticipating its picture, but oh~~) OF COOKIE, THE DOG WHICH MY MATERNAL COUSIN REARS!!!!!! AND ITS NOT THE PICTURE OF COOKIE WHO TAGS MY TAGBOARD or her boyfriend ( = X ).

I got this picture from my dear dear cousin, Yuxian , or call her ah xian also can lar.hahahahahahhaahha

i was so bored, so i thought of another idea to ask for her cookie's pic and blog about it, SINCE I AM BORED!!!!!! I think she was havin lesson or something when i asked her, since her status was "Busy" on msn.

Wadever!!!!! Nobody can stop me when im feeling BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEE HOW MANY ENTRIES I HAVE DONE THIS MONTH? Juz this month? I was sooo busy (um, well lazy enough to be busy) doin other things for the previous months, that i had less than 10 posts a month!!

ANd look at now, HOW MANY POSTS DID I PUT THIS MONTH????? ok, not more than 10, but 8 not including thispost. BUT ITS A MIRACLE I EVER HAD SO MUCH TO POST ABOUT!!!

Life is definitely not interesting without computers, and i mean computers that can function efficiently!!!! not mine, in this case.

good gracious, ive ran out of things to type about now. when i thought of another, im goin to write it in my nxt post, so that i will have a break-record of 10 posts for this month!!!!!!!

yeah~~~~~

2006-02-21T15:18:00.000+08:00

i forgot to put these down in my previous post. that is, quite a number of people which i know put Multimedia & Animation as their 3rd choice...

listly: Dawn, Peiyuan and dexian(from my pri. school).

BUT ITS ALMOST NEARING IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO GO INTO NGEE ANN AND STUDY WITH THE SAME COURSE AS ME!!!!!!!

coz im destinied not to have any known friends in the same course.

and im developing a fear. that is, when i stepped into my classroom (is there a classroom?) or the tutorial blar blar, which is to say MY CLASS, I will see ALL MALES, including the teachers.

That is fuckingly UNBELIeVABLE!!! I dun wan to imagine what my reaction is, most likely i will FAINT at the scene, den drive me to hospital, den i will have to appeal to the ~~court~~ school and change my course, of which there HAS TO BE some course that is WILLING to accept me IF I WANTED TO CHANGE MY COURSE!

That is soooooo horrible, if my class is all guys. and im the onli girl. I mean, its not THAT bad. Except that, i have to mingle and communicate with them, and LEARNT THEIR WAYS OF LIFE. that is watch pornography, talk about sex, 4wd, CARS, AEROPLANES, soccer, SPORTS, WADEVER-THAT-I-HATE!!

really, thats my typical view of the males species. right, SOCCER, EEEEEWKS. and CARS!? i dun like cars, and ive already decided not to have a driving license, since i will most likely get somebody into accident if im a driver. and most of the times, guys get into accident ( =X, offending though but i apologise ). That's why i dun like the male species, they are more of PHYSICAL.

I dun mean to say the males are all body, EVERY HUMAN has body. I meant... OH FORGET IT, i dun mean anything. forget wad i say. Im sexist-talkin anyway. Dun listen or i mean see in this case, im bullshitting.

yeah, IM SHITTING SHIT!!!!!

gGGGggggggRRRRRRrrrrrr

Jae Registration

2006-02-21T12:53:00.000+08:00

It seems like a practice to do so. Almost all the "famous" people does it, like Dawn, dexian and well, i dunno. Yesh! I see those people as famous!!!!!! Why? I dunno why either, juz that mayb coz i dun speak to them often, i see them as famous! so peeps, u wan to be famous? juz dun speak to me. heh. ;D] yeah~~ follow the norm, and i will always be right!!!!!!!!!!!! hahhahaha. XD

okay, here's my jae registration 12 choices:

1 - Multimedia & Animation (Ngee Ann Polytehcnic)
2 - New Media (Republic Polytechnic)
3 - Biomedical Science/Biomedical Laboratory Tech (Ngee Ann Polytechnic)
4 - Digital Media Design (Nanyang Polytechnic)
5 - Digital Entertainment (Nantang Polytechnic)
6 - Biomedical Sciences (Republic Polytechnic)
7 - Biomedical Science (Singapore Polytechnic)
8 - Digital Media (Singapore Polytechnic)
9 - Games Design And Development (Singapore Polytechnic)
10 - Media And Communication (Singapore Polytechnic)
11 - Diploma In Game & Entertainment Technology (Temesek Polytechnic)
12 - Aerospace electronics (Singapore Polytechnic)

Almost all the choices are related to animation, except for biomedical science and AEROSPACE....

i didnt really choose aerospace lar. coz hor.... i chose some courses in TP, i think. BUt im not qualified to go in. i dunno why, but cannot. sho, i anyhow put in the code no. for the 12th choice. ANd it turns out to be aerospace. =0. Thats how i reacted. Aerospace... I dun even noe wad the hell is that. someting to do with aeroplane i think. hahahahhaa, i juz hope i can get into the 1st 11 choices, if not, i would have to pilot an aeroplane!!!!!!

oh yar, i think females arent allow to fly an aeroplane. FUCK THOSE AEROPLANE SEXIST!!!!! =X im a sexist too! but they are sexist in the career area, WHICH SUX!!!!! who says female cant fly aeroplane????? WHOOOOOOOOOOOO?????????????

2006-02-20T18:15:00.000+08:00

Yup, Now im VERY VERY SURE. Yesh, This blog is really really 1 blog to ENTERTAIN MYSELF!!!!

Im bored, I still am. I read the past blog entries. There are not a lot of entries, but I went through them as well. To my horrow, I THINK MY ENTRIES ARE INTERESTING! And i was laughing at my stupidity in my entries!!!!!

Now i can see why ppl say im dramatic..... COZ I REALLY AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh gosh, this is something I learnt about myself. 1 "attributes" Ive learnt from my blog! who says blogs are stupid, and uneducational??? Ok, mayb no 1 said that, but im tryin to prove my point here...

BLOGS ARE A SOURCE OF YOUR OWN HISTORY, YOUR OWN FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS OF CERTAIN EVENTS THAT U HAVE PARTICIPATED! IT RELISHES U OF UR CONFUSION THAT HAPPENED ALONG TIME AGO, and gives you the objective or subjective (i cant differ the 2) view of the subject!!!!!!!

do i make sense? i dun even know wad im saying... ~.~

ohhhhhhhh, im so bored!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~

siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Lesbian BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

OH YEAH~ Im too bored again to do anything, so im blogging. lalalala~~~

yesterday, while im boring away, i thought of an idea to kill time. SO, i mentioned it to my all-time-bored-buddy (newly found =D ) Tan Xin, "Sian~~~~~ Oh yar, honey, let's make a blog. A lesbian blog! We 2 do together. Hehehehe~ "

And so it begins the lesbian blog legacy. She introduced a new blogsite which, according to her is that she love the blogsite alot but has no time to make entry. So using my email, we make a new account and that's that.

The blogsite quite nice lar, got album site, introduction site, blogsite, guestbook site, wadever. They also offer skins, nice skins too, made by those very intelligent people. Unlike me, dun even know wad is java and html codey. =(

Here it is~~~~~~~~~~~~ PLEASE SUPPORT THAT SITE!!!!!!! coz my honey, tan xin (girl), wans to make it popular, but i dunno why.
Thank you!!!!!!!!

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/JadeWorld

2006-02-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

This thing happened quite some time ago, friday 10/2/2006 (i think). Results released. I was hesitating whether to report my results, or not. Seriously, mine was a total unexpected 1, and i dun wish to report my results as if i deserved it or to boast about how intelligent i am or watsoever.

I was expecting L1R5 to be in between 15-20, or mayb L1R4 to be 15-20. Whichever ones, i dun mind, as long as im qualified for the animation course in Rp (at that time). And so, I went school almost nonchalantly, since I knew that wad done is done, all i can do is to pray for a not-so-bad result.

That said it, the thing caught me by surprise.

LiR5 - 9
LiR4 - 7

English - B3
Combined Humanities - A2
Maths - A1
Amaths - A1
Biology - A1
Physics - A2
Chemistry - A2
CHinese - A1
Chinese Oral/Aural - Merit

And so, wtf? i got L1R5 to be less than 10??? Is that possible? My eyes must be playing tricks on me!

It aint possible that I, mi!!, got a B3 In ENGLISH!!~~~ Which I ALWAYS get a C6!!!!! HOw is that EVEN POSSIBLE? And i remember that I wrote a fucking bad essay for my Os. It was the worst of the worst. And it scraped off a B3? OMG~~ I was certain I would get C6 and below. ANd if im lucky a B4 would be great. B3??? Okay, frankly speaking, I was silently prayin for a B3. Yeah, right, B3... I know its greedy of me, but I was really hpoin for a B3... And yeah, I got 1!!!!!!! OMG, its hard not to believe in god... BUt, i wasnt really beliving in the 1st place, so im gonna get my retibution sooooooonnnnnn~~~~~~ T.T

Combined Humanities... An A... OH god. This subject was fading in my memory. If nobody has spoken about it, I would have thoroughly forgotten about it. Really. FOr geography elect. , I was hopin I could do quite well as I've normally did in school days. FOr social studies, I juz hope it wun pull down my Geography. In this case, since we dunno wad we got for geo and ss, I would have to say that I THINK my ss is not as good as normal ppl, but its passable for me. ANd i think my geo is in my normal standard. BUt all ive said was based on my prediction, not statistics.

Maths and Amaths. Well, I was thinkin around As for Maths. FOr Amaths... I dunno. Iwasnt thinkin anything. I was okay for anything, since I already gave up on AMaths. Im still wondering how to do the relative velocity questions... =(

Biology, I duno. A1 was abit too much for me. A2 or B3 would be fine. B4 and C5 C6 would landed mi in tears i supposed. BUt anyways, I was glad that I didnt fail this subj.

Physics and A2!!!!!!! I cant believe i even have an A!!!!!!! NOoooooooooooo!!! it really isnt possible. I was really desperate for the Physics. It was 1 subject that I couldnt really understand and know wad it is! and i got an AAA!!!!!!!! OMG~~~~~ God, i really thank you for your generousity in giving me so much As!

CHemistry. A2... Everyone said that chem was hard, difficult. A2, i got an A2~!!! Well, glad as I can be. No matters. They said Onli 1 person got an A1, and thats guan ming, our school top scholar!

Chinese, that happened so long ago. A1 is really great. Except tat oral, i hope i could undo wad ive said!!!

Conclusion: Ive got this marks by LUCK. Its not possible that Ive got it. Everybody thinks that, before the release of the results, that someone else is gonna be taking this instead of me. Me too. Teachers think that too. Ive had a mixed emotions, to be glad or to be sad about this? Ive got this unexpectedly, and those who should have this isnt getting it, and mi out of nowhere got it. Do i really deserve this?

No, really i dun think so. For your information, I studied last minute. In other words, the day before the exams, I K books. Flip onli the textbooks, since Ive no time to take out the notes and read them. To me, the notes didnt come in handy as it was supposed to be. Im wasting paper. And yet, i get this results??? Is that possible? I didnt even revise wad ive did after school, and never did i take out notes and read them, never!

I really dun understand. Mayb its because my other classmates didnt perform as well as they did normally. I dunno. I really dunno. I would gladly give some of my marks away if i could, since wad i wanted to go in poly didnt need that low of a mark, juz 17. i could give some away. I really dun deserve such kindness, since im the source of evil.

I hate myself!!!!!!!!

2006-02-19T01:18:00.000+08:00

Cosplay looks fun and SWEATY. especially in the hot hot hot sun.

pictures available here

im linkin it, so someday i can go there and take out the pics and place it here... someday, yeah, when ican remember.

also, zhiqian intro mi something really funnty, and yet i couldnt hear the sound. goes back to the prob of the SPEAKER~~~~~ WHERE IS THE SOUND CARD??????

the Memoirs of a ~~geisha~~ MAN/GAY (eeeeeeks, but its funny) here !

2006-02-13T16:19:00.000+08:00

Here I am, bloggin about the 4E1 Class Outing on 5/2/2006 (i think is this date) at Sentosa Siloso Beach.

They are building sandcastles, and if you notice, onli the GUYS are doing it. Girls are more rational, they know that building sandcastles are BORING, and u get TANNED more easily, and the weather is damn damn HOT. no way!

CLose-up view of the BUILDING of sandcastles in the AIR

Group Photo! WIth Bikini KaiEe buried in the sand in the middle~~~

2nd Group Photo. SAME PPL, maybe alittle bit of changed positions! Thanks to HuiXin, who help us take the group photo.

Ooooh... Girls and Topless Guys in the water~~ Ok, partly. See iris? Wearing all black at the back? She's SOOOO sexy! *drools* =X OH! and Guan MIng? Topless guy at the left. Our class genius. =D Lol, never imagine him in this clothing rite?

Front (onli showing head): ... No idea who he is...Going clockwise: Jiawei - his splashin water to his neck, hot day, yeah~~ Sitting in a almost-lying position: Ridzwan: He's definitely lookin and laughin at something, but I dunno what.Last: SHould be Weixian, if Im correct. PIc too small, eyes got myopia, hence dunno who =D]ANyway, dun ogle at them coz they are guys and goin topless. =X

Grp Pic! From top left: HonLong, Iris, Clarice
Bottom Left: WenPey, ZhiXue

Good Friends Pic: Szeling (left), Jiali (Right)Lookin closely, jiali's face is very red. SHe is already tanned by then. Damn! WHy do white skin ppl have such a skin characteristics!! I WAN WHITE SKIN!!

Oh yeah~ Candid shot of ShuJun~ Taken by Mr Hon Long. SHe looked kinda depressed in this pic, isnt it. According to Hon LOng, this pic was taken after she played with PeiYuan. So something muz have happened..... hehehe =D

Iris looked damn cool in this pic, most probably coz of the sunglasses. This pic looks totally natural. By the way, these 2 looked so sexy in their swimsuits~~

OK, here COMES~~~~~~~THE NARCISSIST KING! Hon LOng! (hey i edited the pic, quite an effort rite? )

Sunset Pic 1 (by the time they took this pic, mi sj and hy already went home. to be exact, sj and hy were bathin and i was waiting for them at coffee bean look at the sunset too)

Grp pic 2! Sunset is always nice~ How do u differentiate sunset and dawn?

COnclusion: I hate sentosa. especially the beach. Im NOT goin there AGAIN. I dun wan to tan my already black black skin. I will go there again, once I've acquired the full-body-prevent-tanning-lotion, and when i've returned back to my normal skin mode.

I HATE THE SUN!! BUt oh well, everyone there get all tanned and roasted. We are 1 big 4E1 family~ Yeah!

1st time

2006-02-06T16:49:00.001+08:00

wad does this remind of you?
first love?
first kiss?
first time, um, u noe? sex?

OF COURSE IM NOT TALKIN ABOUT ALL THESE FUCKING SEX THINGY

to me...

its this:

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Yup, that's right. Its that. Its wad this blog is ALL about: Instand Noodles. =)

Why is it so special? It's because...

Its the first ever Instant noodles I have ever eaten in Seven eleven.
First ever cooked by hot water using outside facilities (not using my house de)
First ever noodles eaten outside
First ever Korean-type noodles
First ever noodles never eaten with spoon

And above all,its

FIRST PICTURE EVER EXISTED IN THIS ENTIRE BLOG!

Hence, do you know how important this noodle is to me?
~Fin~

MAny thanks to ShuJUn, my very very nice friend, who is willing to take and send this picture to me. LOL. We are the crazy duo.

OppX, I juz found out. Most people from out class de, are crazy to the brink! LIke mE! Woooooo!!!!! 4e1 2005 RoX! =D

2006-01-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

i've deleted the previous post, which has the msn conversation. I dunno wads wrong with that, i posted it and the blog goes haywire. Its not that the blog is down or something, but... oh well, heck it. That post is too long anyways, nobody is gonna squint their eyes to 1mm and read it. It's painstaking and waste time.

So, I deleted it. No matters. =)

I just realised, my blog is very plain. The skin is soooooo nice,yet i onli put down with words and no pictures.

Damn it. Im that kinda lazy people who doesnt like to find pictures juz to entertain people. I can put in pictures to entertain MYSELF, but not others. Im such a bitch. XD I onli care for myself, and not others... =P

Read and see Mirage no Shoujo's blog... Way COOOOOOL... Lolita party... Oh My God. Its not the tea party Im interested in, but the CLOTHES.

CLOTHES!!!!!!!

I want 1 lolita clothing myself too. HOwever, I dun dare to walk in orchard road with that kinda outfit. Its way too daring, for me. I dun have that courage. I onli have impulsiveness. One fine day, when my brain goes bonkers, Impulsive takes over, and I will wear it and walk there. Regardless of the heat, weather, people's comments whatsoever.

BUt, till then, I shall sit back and watch the fashion show running. =X Cooooooooll...

Oh yar, I've decided to go poly, instead of stayin in JJC. Its not that JC is bad, but its not my type. To stay there, I must make up my mind to study hard, and continuously study hard, and STILL study hard. Sadly, I do not have such calibres. Im a lazy lazy lazy pig. All i do is eat, sleep, play. JC life is too harsh for me, I won't be able to survive there.

And did I say? Their PC (which is PE, and i dunno why they called it PC...) is damn damn damn tiring. It's 1 hr long. In secondary school, we have it for 30 mins roughly. But here, its 1 hr. When you are having PC, the time really past slowly. SUPER SLOW. After running for 2 rounds, do excercises, play some lame games, the time only past for 20 mins and less.

I couldnt believe my eyes. And after that session, your muscles are aching all over. ANd very badly, my PC is on Monday and Tuesday, CONSECUTIVE DAYS!!! My body is going to break down even before it can break down lactic acid. Fuck the physical education system.

I know I am weak,all right. BUt still, PC is something not suitable for me. I hate to exercise, and to have NAPFA tests.

ANd as i heard fromt he polys, they onli have NAPFA test at their final year. PHEW~~ ALthough I definitely will not pass the test if i went to poly ( because i already stopped those excercising, its hard to start to train the body again), but still, just 1 yr of test, isnt that superb?

SO, POLY is my CHOICE! and since Republic Poly makes the most impressionable open house i've went, I chose RP. (Sp's open house really sux. THough my bro's there, and is 1 of the showcase ppl, still it sux. Mayb its because we went there toooo late. The ppl there really not as friendly as RP. They juz sit behind their counters and wait for ppl to come up to them and ask questions instead of goin to them and tell them everything. and sp is sooo damn big, i hate it. )

NYP's open house: They are damn rich. They keep on giving out goodies. NOt goodies bag, but the goodies inside. They give us onli 1 bag, and we went home with 1 bag full of duplicates goodies. I wondered why... Last day, i suppose, and they have lotsa remainders. SO they give it to us, instead of throwing it. =3 BUt i dun like it there, the lecturers alitle... bad.

wadever the case, i think i would go rp. although there aer some flaws in there: the diplomas offered there not quite good, as it is not specialised enough. must go university to continue studies... my cousin said... and they have this "understand test"... blar blar...

heck it, i dun care. GO there can study animation and games at the same time. I wouldnt have to make a choice that quickly. We will be expose to many things there. So why not?

2006-01-15T20:24:00.000+08:00

Today, this post is dedicated to lau chia hoe, from RV. He wears shorts everyday, where you can see his leg hair sticking out.

sidenote: Im goin to go as sarcastic as I can, since he's not going to read this post, and majority of the people doesnt know about this blog. I just hoped that I don't suffer retribution... GOD, PLEASE, dun punish me for my sarcasm. I wrote it down for my own entertainment. I know it's wrong to use others misfortune as an entertainment... BUT!!! The things I mentioned is not 100% truth, I am distorting some facts. Thus, wad is going to be written here, does not prove to serve as a personal attack to Mr Lau Chia Hoe. I apologise to anyone who is offended in reading this post, but i doubt any1 will be reading it...

As Ive put up earlier, he likes to wear short. That's because RV has this policy, where the guys cannot wear long pants, since the school dun sell long pants there. Which is kinda weird, if you ask me, since males in sec school wear long pants after secondary 3. Anyway, i didnt notice he did wear shorts anot when he came for the 1st day. Like, who cares! It's none of my business.

BUt i did notice something about him, which is considered my first impression of him. The 1st day, mi and sj were the first 2nd and 3rd to arrive. Then after that, I think is him. ANyway, my memories are bad, its either him or jingzhe and joni came.

First Impression: HIs hair. NOt leg hair. Obviously. COz i cant even remember if he did wear shorts that day.
Those hairs that grow on his head.
It looks like my brother. I mean, similar to my brother's. BUt now, i think its defintiely NOT THE SAME, OR SIMILAR, OR IN THE SLIGHTEST SIMILARITY. NOT AT ALL.

It was his hair that caught my eye. ANd that's it. I remember him as: RV guy who has the almost same type of hair my brother has.

ANd during the camp, due to some reasons which i dunno and dun wish to know, he ate porridge. He had the special order. Porrdige. WHile everyone was eating rice, he ate porridge. Such unfair treatment.... not to him, to us. He had special orders, while we, suffered at the mercy of food. The large amount of food cannot all be pushed down to our stomach, and so we had to waste it. WHich is, if you think about it, there are hundreds and millions ppl out there starving, while we wasted it just because they gave too much to us. *sigh.........* the world is sooo corrupted.

Anyway, I didnt get to know him much during those days. COz i refused to speak to boys, and I don't feel like interacting with the girls too. WHY? dunno lar, juz dun feel like it. ANd its my fault for not socialising, not them. MI<===== ME=======> MI!!

get back to topic, i chatted with him on msn, bcoz of the movie, memoirs of a geisha. i asked him to watch, he repeatedly refused so i snapped. I shall post the conversation on the nxt post.

2006-01-15T02:19:00.000+08:00

Im so bored. SO im gonna write something useless here. This blog is ~~delicated~~ dedicated to Joel. Someone from OG28, where i ONCE belonged to. Except that, I dunno his full name. Coz... who cares lar, you know his name and can call him can le.

ANyway, from my first impression on him, I thought he is a ... um.... very hard to interact de. COz.... there was one time, we were to be assembled at the carpark, den mi and sj were at the back. I thought we were the last of the og. Then, somehow sj said that there was another guy behind us, who belonged to the og.

Of course I went... "HUH? Where got?" coz i thought that shadow belonged to some lecturers or some ogls. I guessed I hurt him pretty badly... since he turned away and sighed or wad when i turned around and looked at him.

I cant be blamed, you see. I was still at the... no-males-by-my-side-and-no-tokin-to-them policy. It natural that I ignored his presence, since... I can sense the males aura from a distant.

Anyway, we started tokin in msn. I was in my desperate and upset and pessimistic and negative state. I asked him about the movie thingy. I forgot wad his reply is... ANyway, he started his way in conselling me.

Seriously, i think he can be a consellor if he chose that path. Let me quote some of his sayings, "I always tell myself that I can do it whenever I wanted to give up." and he said to me... "Why are you lying to yourself?" blar blar.

I've changed some of the words he said, coz i cant remember. But the meaning is the same. Just that, he used much more precise and accurate ENglish, which I can never write down. ANd... to clear out misunderstandings, I never lie to myself.

He's such a nice guy, rite? whao, cant stand him. HIs holy aura is destroying my evilness. OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I will cease to exist. I have to hide him forever, if I wanted to survive on this lonely planet.

ANyway, my point is, he is a good guy. He can be a consellor, psychologist nxt time. He has a promising future. So, gals, grab him when u have the chance. Not sure if he is attached anot...

OH well, he ain't gonna see this blogsite. hahaha nvm. I can write wadever I want! Dun think its gonna cause him embarassed, and wad ive written here is not an insult. so i wun be dealing with copyright laws bah...

BUt Im quite pissed off with him for 1 thing... he doesnt accept the songs I wanted to send him. as in, i sent him 1 song, he refused to accept the downloading. =( he said he doesn't listen to songs... which is bullshit to me. songs are the most pleasurable things on earth, it brings joy and happiness to your life. without them, your life is destinied to be dull.
wadever his real reasons are, i cant accept a person who doesnt listen to songs. gRR...

nxt time, im gonna blog about lau chia hoe, from RV, who wears short-pants. (opps =X )

2006-01-15T01:29:00.000+08:00

I havVE FINALLY change the blogskin, after much much much, and much, hesitations. Or rather, laziness.

See who's on the above? That's Kanna from Air. She's the last Yokujin, which translates into Winged-Being. She's the sole heir of the Star Memories, but she died in the end. Although I still hadn't grasped what the story is talking about. ANyways, it's juz a graphically-enhancing anime, and a well-planned story. Except that they did not elaborate more. =| Definitely not a good thing.

AND!! The Background music is.... Air (I've) - Hane. NIce, isn't it? It's also from AIr. ALthough the blogskin isn't created by me, but still, I loved it alots. I shall someday do one... I hope... =(

I hope I can include more pics, from now on, for my blog. My blog is tooooo plain. BUt, doesnt matter lar, coz i rarely write here. SInce INNER EMOTIONS are not supposed to be publicise.

My deepest and hideous feelings shall be kept within myself, never ever to see the dayllight. This blog is just for wasting time, to keep me entertained, and let me find things do. Im basically tokin to myself while typing the entries.

LOnely me. POOR me. Pathetic Me.

Hopeless...

M
E
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2005-12-28T18:33:00.000+08:00

the news just reported. why there was a delayed at the mrt station. it was an accident, the mrt station annoucned.

but of course, a man got hit by the mrt at 3.03 (?) at kallang mrt station. he's dead.

opps, i shouldnt said like it wasnt my business. except that i wasnt my business to care, but he caused the train to be delayed. but, i shouldnt blame him. coz, it might really be an ACCIDENT, he couldn't have commit suicide. or so, i think.

but the records in singapore said that, there;s every reason to believe that the deceased could be commiting suicide.

but i really shouldnt think like that. or i would be cursing my head off because of him, and i dun wan to do that. im feeling sorry that he died, but if he commit suicide there, and cause mi to return home in a taxi, i would have blame him and scold him.

it;s contradicting. i dunno. it sux when a person die from a mrt station. it doesnt feel right. he's dead now. dead. mayb he will come alive in the hospital suddenly?

who am i kidding? even the taxi driver said that it was another suicidal attempt.

yar, im kidding myself.

2005-12-28T17:23:00.000+08:00

Did I said that I didnt want to blog until I've had a WHOLE NEW BLOGSKIN? or was it that i said that I won't blog about my bdae and the celebration of hy's ?

In any CASES, I need to blog about it.

WHich is what happened today, although it's not any surprising or out-of-sudden thing.

OKay, It's surprising AND out-of-sudden.

I was on my way home from my work in Bedok. So I had this little "premonition" that I really wanted to take the taxi. (It's not exactly premonition, i guess it's my laziness on the act. )

However, the perseverence to save money took over my pathetic laziness. Of course anyone would've think twice, no thrice, or fries, (forgive me, coz i do not know wads the english for the fourth times and the fifth and so on. T.T ) if he or she is taking the return trip from BEDOK all the way to BOON LAY.

Do you know how much time is spent on the mrt than walking? Well, I didn't exactly calculate how much time, but it's almost 1hr, including the waiting for bus, for mrt, the walking time and so on, from my house to the destination.

OKay, back to the topic. I was on my way home, from bedok of course. Then the premonition take place, except that i waved goodbye to it coz i wan to save money.
Except that, when i reach the control system... They announced that there is, opps i mean WAS, an accident ahead and the trains will be delayed for 45 mins blar blar.

ANd without knowing what to do, i tapped my ez-link card to the "feeder", and i was in to through the "gate", like what other people was doing even though they heard the announcement. Stupid me, no assertiveness. FOllow the people like a sheep, i should be like a sheep. Curses! NO mind of my own!

Of course, I rode the escalator and found people crowding, which of course scares me. I hate the crowds, it made mi nervous. So i walked on, in search of my nirvana with the least people standing.

Of course, the announcement rang again, I kept wondering if I should go back and take the escalator, take a taxi and go home. Except that I looked around for other people's reaction. Some were already riding the escalator down, which was the minority. The MAJORITY stood still, it seemed as if nothing could budge them. I tried to gain more confidence by looking at the screen above, which shows the schedule time, and it informed us that the train will not be going from aljunied to boon lay. (i cant remember wads the exact word.) One thing led to the another, I was thought to believe that the train will bypass the stations between aljunied and boon lay, and that there was an emergency line of which the train could travel. Of course, that was my wishful thinking and that it wasn't even in the least possible. Iwas desperate, praying too hard for a miracle, and that the miracle was the WAY OF MY THINKING, which is irrational and illogical now that I thought about it.

The train came, and I though miracles do happened, which is a fraud. I was on the train, settled on a seat, and took out my reader's digest. I've learned a lesson that on a train, if ur destination is far far far away, and you are all alone in the train, you should always have something to do. For me, a book. If you dont have a book, and IF you are travelling from boon lay to bedok for a 1hr journey, you will most likely be trying to avert eye contact with any person on the train. You know, it's cramped with people in the train, and when you got nothing to do, you will be like, stare at them or their clothes, their demeanor... Which is kinda lame, and EMBARASSING.

Okay, enough of my ethics on the TRAIN, tok about wad happened next. The train moved on and kept on replaying the recorded message: the train will be delayed blar blar... but those people in the train didnt even budge, i did the same. except that, it was getting on tedious to act nonchalent about it, coz the train stops at eunos for a long long LONG time, before it closed its door and keep on moving. Then one woman across me rang her affliates, husband or brother or friends, whichever was it. And i overheard the conversation, her part of it, and i think everyone else was listening too. She said that the mrt had some probs, some accidents, and blar blar, yar come picked me up at aljunied and let's go to raffles together. Or maybe somewhere in the CBD area. SO, I PANICKED. WHAT SHOULD I DO????? Im clearly easily influenced by the action of 1 people, ON THE TRAIN.

I calmed myself and the train continued to move. I get back to my reader's digest january edition, on a story about haunting or rather ghosts. I shuddered and shivered. Was it the story about ghosts, or about the near future of me stranded in remote places of singapore which i have clearly never took a step into? Whichever reason causes it, im not sure.

I couldnt take it anymore and i phoned my mom, since she is more experienced that i am (i hoped) before the train stopped at aljunied. I told her about the accident, and everything, and i told her i wanted to take a taxi. and then...

the train stopped at aljunied, the announcement rang. This time, not about delaying, but aboiut thefact that the train is TERMINATING at aljunied, ALL PASSENGERS are to alight at alijunied mrt. OMFG, was my reaction. i dun wan to stop at aljunied, it;s a very ... old place, to me. I was there a few times with my mom to patronise a so-called-vegetarian-restaurant (but not a high-class 1 if u asked me, coz there's aircon but there's no waitress, and it's self-service. now that i think about it, i've never been to to a REAL restaurant being waited, which is pathetic.). We've been there by the mrt onli ONCE. ONCE!!!!!! and i dun like the place, its just doesnt suit me.

my mom told me that i should grab something to eat since i was there, like it was,you know, a twist of fate, and that i was DESTINIED to stop at aljunied so that i could buy the food. WHich made me pissed of. i had to buy food juz because i was forced to stop at that place? who are u kidding? anyway, i did wad she told, coz i need to plan on wad to do next. i cant be like, stand idlely at the control station and think of my next step, which is soooooo uncool (<=== this is not the main reason, it's a side reason. ) and i would be bumped by the influx of more passengers unloaded by the mrt. i couldnt just stay there and do nothing. I MUST DO SOMETHING. so i heeded my mom's so-called-advice, and i ordered 2 take-outs with me. i had the conclusion that it was going to take a long time, and by the time i came out with my food, the train would be all ready to go. (yes, i was cursing the damn train, causing my DELAY to my home sweet home)

except that the world isnt a beautiful place where all wishes would come true. the train still didnt budge. and, i decided to take taxi, but of course IF i can ever hail 1. which is impossible, since almost all passengers wanted to take the taxi to their destinations. i walked on and on, and decided to on call 1. my 1st ever experience to on-call a taxi. i dunno where i was, i dunno the road name, and all i know is, im near the aljunied mrt station. and worst of all, it was drizzling, not really a heavy drizzle, juz some droplets of rain.

the call ended, and i was left to wonder, where the hell is the taxi stand? i could see a bus-stop, since all the free shuttles are working, and i dunno where they took the passengers to, not to mars i hoped. And i really regretted not telling the girl behind the phone (and the on-called line was relly busy, god knows why, and i think i know why. the mrt.) that i should wait at the bus-stop. While i was in my regretment (is there such a word? heck care.), i was reciting the vehicle no. under my breathe and decided to walk around the station in search of the holy "taxi-stand". and here goes the train, it moved. OMFG. yeah rite, the train moved, it is budging, and it's too late for me to cancel my on-called, which took pains to realise.

oh well, i dun care the train anymore, i concentrated on my taxi-stand. i walk up to the bus-stop, and there... i saw someone who looks like ms chiang, my form teacher, looking innocently in my direction, and i dun think she's lookin at me. IS SHE MS CHIANG, AND IF SHE IS, WHAT THE EHLL IS SHE DOING IN A DAMN PLACE HERE? i wondered. yar, and she's still looking innocently at my direction. i dun think she recognised me, since i was wearing an orange uniform my aunt gave, and the fact that she could not be even ms chiang, but... the innocent look really look like her. bleh

i took a run, and went sideway before reaching her, and i walked around the station look for a taxi stand. sometimes runnning, sometimes walking, with my food, and people, and... alot of buses.

I got 1 round before decided to ask the ppl there. The ones with purples uniform? the mrt operators bah. But somehow, 1 guy juz ignored me, and i was forced to talk to the blue guy, whihc im not sure if he was an operator or not, but he look kinda superior. i tried my luck. he told me that there wasn't a taxi-stand, not that he knew of it, and my handphone rang. the taxi driver called.

im glad he called, or else i will still be running in circles lookin for the damn taxi stand. but den, it striked me, how did he get my hp no.? easy, the ger behind the phone told her. and, it striked me again. ms chiang not there liao. or rather, the-woman-who-look-like-ms-chiang isnt there anymore. gd.

and finally, i took off from where i was and i am back home, in my lair of comfort. =)

2005-12-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

1st of all, Merry Christmas. =)

I've told alot of people, I dun celebrate Christmas, and it's true. I don't celebrate it. But then, the festive mood does really seeps into you. I just feel happy, and I dunno why. It just makes you smile, with no particular reason at all.
I guess that's what people call chissana shiawase ka?
It's a wonder how a mood can lift up your spirits... =)

I wonder, if it's the song that I'm listening to, or the completion of Tenjou Tenge, the upcoming air tv, the watching of blood+, the watching of the last episode of Hana Yori Dango that lifts up my spirit. Anyway, It doesn't matter, I'm happy and that's what it matter!

Oh yeah, I've just turned 16 two days ago. Too bad there isn't any NC16 movie to celebrate with my bdae... T_T

Im gonna blog about how i celebrate my bdae, hy's bdae, ... and... im not sure, AFTER i changed the blogskin. *nods nods* I can't give anymore excuses!!!

... School's reopening soon. Devil is coming, not Santa Claus.

2005-12-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

Tatta ima,

Complete Sekai no Chuushin de, Ai wo sakebu

I've only got one word to describe it.

Heart-breaking-touching-story.

All right, it may not be a sentence. But I've tried to say what I had wanted to tell.

PLease, people who are reading this post, I beg of you!

Please, download this drama. It's really nice.

Yes, the story is similar to those heart-wrenching kdrama. Leukemia. You might be bored of it.

I was the same. But, watch the "process" and not the "ending". It will send you back to tears and cries.

It was very nice.

The drama is somewhat of a difference than the movie. However, the story is damn nice.

Oh, did i mention? I watched the movie before I know of the drama. I don't know which came first. But den, it's the same. I love to cry. At least, in stories, not reality. I think the whole story came from a book by some author. BUt i'm not sure.

The words that is flashing... Below? Those are what I extracted from the movie preview. SOme words may be wrong though.

The drama don't have RItsuko, Sakutarou no fiance. They have AKi, another Aki who isn't the female lead Aki.

Anyway, Im hooked up to Sekai. *sobs* Im gonna burn the cd, and hug it in my sleep.

My eyes are tired from all the crying.

I hope it won't be all sored up tomorrow. =(

BUT I LOVE THE STORY!!!!!! =D

God, the author is AMAZING!

TAKE MI TO THE SKY AND LET ME RUN WITH THE WIND!

2005-12-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

I found a job. Or rather, the job found me.

My aunt asked me to help out in her selling books store. COol, ive always wanted to try out in selling books. It looks fun. That is, what i thought before ileft the house today.

I was thinkin of playin for the whole of vacation. My mother didnt let me. At least, for a while. ANd..... On my ah ma's bdae, with my mangas and all. My aunt told me to try out at her place.

Okay fine. It sounds fun anyway. Btw, i would also like to try out cleaning toilets if i ever had a choice. not for too long like 1 month. 1 week is enough experience for me. The satisfation you get after cleaning a revolting-stench-producing-male-toilet (im a sexist. i will assume all negative points to do with the males) and the sparkling clean scenario that gives off sweet scent after you cleaned it up..... the feelings is enormous!

Yar, im a weirdo. FInding a job like cleaning toilets.... Mayb i should try out at chuangyi comics and find out what tthey really do, and try to steal some receipes. except that they dun have any receipes... just experience for me. =( but its better den nothing.

HOwever, they have no plans of hiring ANY1. AND CERTAINLY NOT SOMEONE WHO ISN'T EVEN 16 YRS ODL!

selling books are fun, but sometimes, its boring too. nothing to do there when there's no customers. Stare at the teachers eating buffet is not 1 way to kill ur boredom. no way. its just so unfair we get to watch them EAT, and they get to watch us DROOLING

LIfe is totally unfair.

i need to get up really early and take the mrt to bedok station, and on to bedok green primary school. there. the security guards there are nice, compared to our school...... *Pfuit*

And that's why LIFE IS TOTALLY UNFAIR. with no macdonalds. they dun allow me to eat fries. they wan mi to eat proper meal (asia definition of proper meal: rice or noodles but not fries. wads the difference? you get the carbohydrates in ur body anyway! its the tastes that is difference! since in goin to get my carbohydtate inthe end, let me enjoy the taste, for i may not be here tml as i could be rotting under the ground!)

That's all. im tired. and sleepy. tml ... 6 am wake up? i dunno. better not do wrong calculations. i could kill people with the state of mind im inwhen im sleepy. they will juz call the police and get me arrested.

ps. i heard some little gers (i suppose) are singing on the bus when i rode home. Its rare for ppl to even sing in the bus. and dun get shock when you hear wad they sang. it's:
okay shitz, i cant remember the lyrics coz im too tired.

anycase, its a singapore song: like those "we are singapore, we are singpaore, we will stand together hear the lion roar...."

im so suuuuuuure that htose girls are gonna grow up and be a policewoman or anywho that will contributes to singapore. but not me. im not a patriot, so im doomed to fail in my life. i have nothing to really GREAT TO boost about. NOTHING AT ALL. NOT A SINGLE TALENT. all are average. *sighhhhhhh...... *

sleep time, peeps. i dun mind getting wrinkles all that (for the time being), but im afraid of calculate the wrong amount to ppl and they wanted to beat me up coz i give them the wrong money, ..... or get killed by my aunt... =(

so much so for society's experiecne. all i get is fear. =(

2005-12-02T00:17:00.000+08:00

It was a long post , the previous one. SInce, clearly, i have been keeping on these inner-thoughts to myself.

In these few short days, I was captivated by the world of MEg Cabot's books. You know how wonderful her hands are made into. Hence, giving us shojous the perfert dreamy world we all longed into. Yes, romance. Teenage romance. PURE teenage romance.I couldn't stand the temptation of "ALl american Girl" lying there, and i devoured it within a day. Yeah~~ NICE NICE VIBES OF youthfulness filled me.

I love David/Daryl. Im going to name my son David/Daryl, IF I EVER HAVE ONE. (coz im not getting married, and enslaved to man. Guys are ALL sexually interested. They always think about SEX. It true, after so many books Ive read, and a few documentaries Ive watched. It gruesome. Sex, that is. I cant imagine it when those people said that sex is the most pleasurable things to enjoy in this world. WHy cant they think about rape, when they said such things?)
So, I won't get married. But I can adopt a son. So his name is David/Daryl. Except that, Im not sure which to choose. Daryl is quite a nice name, but it sounds like those weak guys in novels always being pushed around. (but of course im not saying that Daryl is always a weakling. If my son is goin to be called Daryl, he won't be a weakling coz ive made up my mind that Daryl is a hunk and stong male with no overactive hormones that wans sex everytime. )

Anyway,I wanted to say that, I fall in love with romance book. AGAIN. I picked it up, and swore not to let it go again, not unless the passion dies down.

ANd now, Im crazy over The princess diaries. The 6th book is ... damn expensive. N it could be borrowed in the library, except that, it is ALWAYS ON LOANED. I guess I have to try my luck in Bedok Library tml. *sigHHHHHHHHh*

Oh yar, I wanted to read the memoirs of a geisha too. But the library doesnt have it. Or mayb the year is wronged. Im not sure. Mayb they republished it? (NVM me, i dun htink any1 will understnad wad im thinkin now. Its my ... inner-thoughts

ANd since we are on the topic of MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA. its gonna be made into a movie. Something that is decided last yr or teh start of this year. ANywayz, it is to be shown on 23 Dec 2005. MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! BUt it is only screened on 23 Dec 2005 in USA, which is 24 DEc 2005 in SIngapore by that time. WHOSE GONNA SPONSOR ME TO GO TO USA AND LET ME WATCH MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA????? Yar, rite. Like anyone's gonna sponsored such an expensive package, without even going to DIsneyland. *Pfuit!*

Oh, and im not trying to hint about my birthday. Every1 knows about my birthday date. At least, those around me, close to me, recognise me, sees me, and knows me. ANd at this age, nearly 16th, Im very very matured. In my own sense. I dun think birthday party suits me anymore. Its lame. TO ME. but i like ppl to have their birthday party, and let me participate. Just that, i dun wan the main character to fall on me. No birthday ger such thing. Ive played enuogh of the birthday girl in my early age. Now that i think about it, its quite embarrassing when you want ur mother to have a miniature bdae party with juz a few ppl. ( i guess that the reason i dun wan anymore parties for me. It makes me recalled embarassing moments)

I think im inspired by MIa. god damn it. Her superb diary-writing skills. Ive never written 2 posts (and intended another 1) in 1 go. SHe is damn influential! MEg cabot, i love you~~~~~!!!!!!! =X

Just that, mia P.O.G, is writing in her diary with her hands. Me, blogging, with my fingers on the keyboard. That's the difference.

On to next post

2005-12-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

Oh, im back. =)

Back from exactly, nowhere. Im still in 1 whole piece by the way, after the whole stress-level-increasing-in-a-potential-suicidal-state, and of coz without my brains. =)

And I promised to blog about the continuation of Project J (not exactly promise, but in a sense...) after CHemistry Papers if my brother isn't around to hug his percious computer all to himself. And dun get me wrong. He wasn't around when I came back (from my rotting stale memory as i can recall, not so crystal clear though).

You know, the normal gets-crazy-when-saw-computer-in-front-of-you-when-you-are-not-restricted-to-use-it-in-any-way attitude, ie. gets crazy over the computer.

And bad enough to say, from the start of the so-called-holiday-after-the-papers, i have done nothing on the list of my Project J. Sad thing... =( Im such an unorganised person (or was it disorganise? i cant make it out... My english is getting worst, seems like i really throw all language/knowledge out of my intellectual window...).

But really! REALLY! i Did plan to do it, like planning to get the website from my sensei to learn computer tricks (aka photoshop and web building and those kinda trival things, see, i dun wan to bother her about such small things.)Except that... SHe went overseas to Malaysia to her relatives' side (not exactly oversea if you consider the Straits of Malacca and the bridge aross it as a sea.)

ANd so, I waited for her to come back (while gloating over her misfortune for having slow speed =P) and I played MS. But anyway, I was playing it all along. It doesnt matter. I've forgotten clean about what I wanted to do or what I had original planned, ever since the seed of evil (aka MAple Story) stole my heart of enthusiasm away from me. Poor me... =(

And what I have achieved now? Let's see:

1: Learn Photoshop
Did nothing about learning them. Yar, I did some. Came to a few websites, draw some circles, and dun understand wad the heck they tokin about due to my poor non-werbal communication understanding. SO I gave up. PLay MS.

2: Change blogskin
I really really really really really reaally (to the power of nth times), wanted to change this blogskin. Im sicked of the pinkish pink, the song.... the cute cute puppy( or was it some other animals i dunno...) BUT DUN GET ME WRONG! I like this blogskin, if not, how would i even choose it in the first place? It's just that, you heard before -i suppose- that man needs new clothes every now and then (but not me, i dun need clothes, all i need is manga/animes/jappy songs/novels... it's just that i cant think of a better object to quote at, and im not sure if this is the RIGHT quote). Hence, it's also necessary for blogs to have alternative blogskins! It's to change the MOOD!

3: Translate chinese manga to ENglish. My ALL TIME WISH [FOR NOW].
OH *pfuit* -if someone remembers where it's from... Im crazy over IT right now, this instant!-
It seems that since I cant even fulfil my 1st task, I dun even bother thinking about the 2nd or the 3rd. Hence you know..... Down the drain, the toilet bowl, the sewage, the sea, the stomach of the fish, the human body. =)
BUt it will never ever go into the brain. IN my body system case, my bery brain is detached from my body. The brain exists as an INDIVIDUAL system. ANd about teh scientific methods of how it respires and excretes... I SHALL explain it SOMEDAY, when i could remember it, WHEN I HAVE TO MOOD TO BLOG, AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.

4: Translate Japanese Karin to chinese/english (preferably chinese). *It's gonna take many many hours to do this. I need to check dictionary and asks people. Keh! Never mind, I can learn Japanese from here. Wahhahahaahahhaa *

Ditto

5: Download many many many manyyyyyy animes: (currect thought of)Rozen Maiden, SailorMoon Series(I MUST WATCH THE WHOLE OF THIS SERIES, NO MATTER WHAT!), ... Hell lotsa animes. But i cant remember what I wanted to watch before this term. =.= Alzheimer's disease getting me. (uh-oh)

*LOng BIg SigHHHHHHHHHhh,.......... * It's not like I dun wan to download the animes, it hard for me to even catch up the ongoing series now, what with: Bleach, Naruto, Prayers(its not coming out....... !!!!!!!!), Black Cat (Train looks happier now, though i ADORED his lonesome-cool-look

-take a break, take a look at godannar, take a koko-crunch- ;)

okay im back. before i continue to tok about my black cat-ey..... Let's discuss WHY i would rather watch Godannnar(broadcasting in arts central, rather than the kids central) den to tok about my fav. animations.

*sidetrack 1* IN the first place, I watched the first episode of GOdannar because i was lured to, or rather tricked. I was curious to find out what is the next series they were going to do after er, Inuyasha. Wait was it Inuyasha, or what? OH yar,... it was Peacemaker Kurogane. It slipped out of my mind. *thanx to my cousin ;) My friends are useless. You cant rely on them. You dun even see a single soul online, er, i mean, those anime-intellects, if you know wad i mean. =X BUT I DUN MEAN THAT THOSE WHO DUN *STUDY* ANIMES ARE... NON-INTELLECTS! They are just, not so enthusiastic as i do, and spend their time reading more beneficial books instead of daydreaming those handsome-charming-prince-rescuing-princess-whenever-she-is-in-danger in my free time, like i do.
Anyway, back to business, I was lured to watch GOdannar coz i was curious what new series they were goin to show us, and hence estimate arts central budget... =X (no offence though... is that an offence? ) And while I was there high-hoping of some nice hit anime, there came godannar.
My inital expression: *o*
In the middle of the commercial: ~o~
At the end of the show: ToT
They show.. big boobs swaying with the slightest imapact. Too bad my sensei didnt watch the 1st episode, you could really fall from a chair, literally. And hence, I continued to watch the series even though I was still in a state of shocked for the below reasons:

1) I do not, and never ever will, stop watching an anime half-way through. This is my principal (or was is principle?). You may never know, the series could get suddenly high peaked in the middle where you left it. ANd it's a waste not to watch it.

2)Support animes of whatsoever titles and genres, but make it possible to avoid pornography.

3)I think the boobs section is quite interesting, and I was thinking what more can the producer produces to make the anime more interesting, except for the booby-part.

*Sidetrack 2* Arts central 11.30pm show: Kimi ga nozomu eien.
i've watched it once, downloaded. ALl the episodes. AND i have some to brag about, since i watch the series once and... my sensei didnt. *evil grins* SHe felt sicked after watching the first 2 or 3 episodes. I hold my cool and tolerate the show (this phrase is weird... i think is the "cool" word...or is it the "hold"?).
I watched it, completed. Dun understand. Knows that the show is about sex, make love, organsms.(around there.) ANd I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY THE SHOW IS POPULAR, at least it seems to me it is ages ago. I think its popular because many ppl downloaded the songs, and the songs are nice, and there are quite alot of downloads and seeders for the torrent. Hence my conclusion.
And hell i Was disappointed. FUCK it.
ANd now they show it. I dunno. I watched the first 2 episodes, and i gave up middle in the 3rd part. Im not goin through the torment as i did last time. ANd.. they cut the making love scenes. But i would say that it was very bold of them not to cut the stripping clothes scenes since it was ARTS CENTRAL and not the KIDS CENTRAL which is showing it.

OKay back to my black catey.

........ Black Cat, (Train looks happier now, though i ADORED his lonesome-cool-look-when-he-was-wearing-the-black-coat-and-with-his-miserable-looking-face. I totally likes it. It rawks. Yet, he changed the clothes to some doughnut top. YUcks *pukes* It destroys the cool image I have for him. Good gracious lord! I know im a pervert in many sense, and i am also a sadist. My self-actualization. ) SHuffle!, (another alittle bit hentai show, but i love the each and every gurls stories. Except that, rin is no hunk, and his seiyuu is too matured. I would prefer a more crunchy and fresh guy. But i have no recommendations. =X ) JIgoku shoujo, (tricked by its cool and mysterious name and get hooked to it, and the episode is stucked in 2 ) Harukanaru toki no nakade (arhhhhhhhhh, long series. no long awaiting time. no groups have a faster version... and ive waiting it for..... 1 yr? ), Naruto ( can they please please please..... stop their own stories and get to the kakashi-side-story or the after-three-years story??? im sicked of waiting!!!), GUndam seed Destiny by haro haro and tori tori ( i want to burn them as a memorial such that gundam seed is better den gundam seed destiny.), Blood+ (I seriously have no comments for this anime. Im still neutral. I like the songs , op and ed, but ... the story... I still cant absorbed and get gaga over it. Too bad for sensei when she drools over her blood+ when i was in the reality dimension. ), Karin (YAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I ONLI FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS STORY WHEN I SAW THE ANIME! AND GOD KNOWS THE MANGA TOTALLY ROCKS! I THANK GOD FOR THE BIRTH OF KAGESAKI YUNA!!! SHE MADE THIS STORY AND I GET TO ENJOY IT!! )

6: Download many many many manyyyyyy mangas: ... Cant thought of any now. Hana yori Dango maybe?

Ditto. NO time. Im donwloadin "sekai no chuushin de, ai wo sakebu" drama. It takes forever to dl. Since i dun dl overnight, and the speed.. is SLOW LIKE A SLUG.

7: Listen to many manyyyyyyy japanese songs (It's illegal to download songs online. DOes it still work if it's japanese mp3? /. .\ )

It will never happen in my lifetime anymore. My brother disallow me to dl any, AND HE MEANS ANY, songs. Not even japanese. =( But diana says that they are only concerned about chinese and english songs, not about japanese. So we can still go mass-dl jap songs at the moment. BUt i totally freaked up. NOt to her. I checked up the laws recently, and they said that under the copyright law, no one is allowed to share files, dl files and anything else without the owners' permission. Even songs are inclueded. Not under this laws are: Methods, Ideas.. blar blar
WHICH MEANS!!!!! ANIMES ARE ALSO INCLUDED!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT ANIMES!!!~~~~~ NO WAY I AM TO GOIN TO SURVIVE WITHOUT THEMz!!!!!! NO~~~~~~~~ i want to migrate like those birds too, but i dun wan to be a carrier of the H5N1 virus, no way.

DIllemma im in.

8: Play MapleStory until I bored out and die. My passion has died out ever since hy said that "chiong until lvl 70 also no use mah. The skills not out yet." ... *faints* Hai~~ Mayb I should complete my FFX2? I havent touch that for a long long time. I havent even complete the game ONCE. NOT ONCE! Damn It! Geex, but i dun play other PS Games other than FFSaga. Im a frogggggg! =X

okay, i did the onli one thing in my list. and that's this. Yar, but still. Im onli lvl 39 now. and those pppl at the firboar keeps on ks-ing me, or just dun let me kill those flying fire pigs. Got fed up and turn to novels. ANd i annuonced earlier that i will stop playin MS for the sake of the computer programming, java scripts. It was all BULLSHIT. MS dissolve my RESOLVE!!! I HATE YOU MS!

Planning of Project J

2005-11-16T18:11:00.000+08:00

Project J

Project D, aka Project Japanese. This is a project founded by: ME, organised by: ME, sponsor by: ME, managed by: ME, ... I don't think I have to go on, I think everyone understands, it's all me.

Project D is to be initiated at the end of Chemistry Exams on Friday 18/11/2005, straight after I come home, and able to fully utilise the computer. That is to say, my brother is not at home. =(

Project D... The name has the impact, I hope the things I shall do will also have the impact!!!!! On me, of course

Date:18/11/2005
Venue: Internet WOrld
Bring: NOthing

I, fragments-of-wings.blogspot.com's owners, hereby pledge that I will, must, definitely, start Project D no matter what happens!!!!!!!!

SIgnature:

All right, now to explain what the hell Project D is.

First of ALl, Project D was started to entertain and enrich me in the December Vacation.

1: Learn photoshop, and do a layout by myself [hopefully to make a layout of karin-sama.... or lacus-sama~~~~~~] Im gonna find a teacher and ask her to teach me. Preferable teacher: Senyuki. *Oh! If you sees this, dun run away. =P I wun let you run away. Im gonna bug and buggggggggg bug until you teach me all the necessary stuffs. WAhahahahaha *

2: Change blogskin.

3: Translate chinese manga to ENglish. My ALL TIME WISH [FOR NOW].

4: Translate Japanese Karin to chinese/english (preferably chinese). *It's gonna take many many hours to do this. I need to check dictionary and asks people. Keh! Never mind, I can learn Japanese from here. Wahhahahaahahhaa *

5: Download many many many manyyyyyy animes: (currect thought of)Rozen Maiden, SailorMoon Series(I MUST WATCH THE WHOLE OF THIS SERIES, NO MATTER WHAT!), ... Hell lotsa animes. But i cant remember what I wanted to watch before this term. =.= Alzheimer's disease getting me. (uh-oh)

6: Download many many many manyyyyyy mangas: ... Cant thought of any now. Hana yori Dango maybe?

7: Listen to many manyyyyyyy japanese songs (It's illegal to download songs online. DOes it still work if it's japanese mp3? /. .\ )

8: Play MapleStory until I bored out and die. My passion has died out ever since hy said that "chiong until lvl 70 also no use mah. The skills not out yet." ... *faints* Hai~~ Mayb I should complete my FFX2? I havent touch that for a long long time. I havent even complete the game ONCE. NOT ONCE! Damn It! Geex, but i dun play other PS Games other than FFSaga. Im a frogggggg! =X

9: Erm..... hmMMMMMMM~~~~~~ EHXXXxxxxxxx...... DUnno liao lar. Run out of ideas. Or rather, Im stinking now. I needa get to bath. Im uncomfortable from top to heel. *PUkes*

SOre JyaA~ Buai BUai...

See myself on Friday then... WAHHAHAA

2005-11-11T11:00:00.000+08:00

....... Im full of regrets now.... or rather unsatisfaction. =(

Status:Came back from Maths Paper 2 O levels, currently blogging, and to rant.

I really dun dun dun dun dun understand. WHy do those Cambridge examiners, or rather questions setter, have to give proving questions at the start of the paper? WHY? I spent nearly 1 hour doing Q1 and 2. JUST 2 QUESTIONS...!!! And!!! SOmehow, I got panicked, due to the time, and I cant figure out what profound EngLish TheY are UsiNg! ALthough its not like I dunno how to do, i figured it out in the end... after the completion of the whole paper. Initially, I have the CONFIDENCE to do proving questions... Now, I would avoid it at ALL COST, but it's not like I have another chance...T.T

*speechless now...*

*sigh... *

WOrst of It, there came the fucking question.... Question 5.... About paying of the carpark fees... No matter what I do, i juz dun get it, cant solve it... Okay, fine, i tried a little while and more more more and i cant get it. So, i gave up. Same for the (b) part... I was despondent. Literally giving up the entire question 5... T.T I didnt count how much points I lost to that fucking QUESTION 5!!!

SHo..... I spent the whole of 2hrs and 30 mins, rushing thru the paper... ANd I didnt check, coz I was busy figuring out Q1 and 2... =( ..... THERE WOULD BE CARELESS MISTAKES!!!!!!~~~~~~~~ AND I DIDNT CHECK!!!!!!!!! T.T

IM THE WORST CANDIDATES IN THE WHOLE WORLD, IM SURE.... One who didnt work hard, didnt check, do so slow..... What more? Oh yea, IM STUPID!!!!!!!

My English was ruined... RUINED!!~~~~~ I wrote a fucking story which I dun like. ANd so, HOW CAN the examiner reading that piece of shitty essay get to like it, and give good grades to it???????? HOW????? I ASK "HOW??????"

The English essay, which is COINCIDENTLY, question 5, about marriage. MARRIAGE, YEAH MY FOOT! I can surely say that, from now on, I will hate hate hate marriage. It has left a deep wound in my heart. No more loves, no more marriages. LIfe can be dull, but I sure dun wan it to be painful. NO-No!!!!

T.T O levels, they say it was a period of no regrets..... I AM FULL OF REGRETS!!!!! You people will sure say that, it's ur own fault to blame. WHy didnt u study hard enough? Why did u keep on playing, running away from ur duties, read manga at a time like this.. and blar blar.

Yeah, sure. dun stop ur lectures. Im listening... Ears fully opened. Im hearing, but my brain is not absorbing any words you all are saying...

I wanted to do well, OF COURSE!!!~~~~~~ I dunno how to explain, but ever since o levels start, i am acting weird...

weird action 1 : my typing in computer is perfect, as least i think it is. 95% is always correct. that was before O levels. Now... 30% is correct, 70% is wrong. I tink the figure should be lower than 30%. ANyway.. my hands arent listening to me. Muscle cordination is getting dull... I need more time than usual just to type this piece of entry. I have to keep on backspacing because of my MISTAKES, typo error. geex... WAD IS WRONG WITH ME???

weird action 2: I keep telling myself to start studying, yet my hands and body reactin is ====> click the mouse, type the keyboard, eyes glaring at the computer screen.

weird action 3: I maybe having a book in my hand, my brain is drifted off to manga world.... *karin!!!~~~ GIN~~~~~~~* or it could be... *HANA YORI DANGO!!!!!!~~* sorts of things like that.

weird action 4: I dun feel safe without the presence of computer. I keep on playing the computer * to explain the word playing= surf the sites with cosplaying, manga downloading, anime download, songs downloading, looking at the display pictures of fellows msn ppl.. all sorts* to no extent...

There is more, but ive forgotten what it is... But I know that, I dun like when people force mi to do something. NO WAY!! Even if it's something I like. SO of coz, studying, which i dun like, is not a choice for mi to do in this nice weather.

SHo, how can i study?????? how????? U TELL MI HOW?!!!!!!!!!

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................*

I feel like a stupid fool. DUn even noe how to do Maths q.5, and wrote such a fucking stupid essay for ENglish q.5 ........

ARHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *Screamssssssss*

No more A1s for MAths~~!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAN THE A1!~!!! *sobs* Mayb most can onli get A2. COz I got quite a few wrongs for Maths paper 1 too. (my answer different from what the others said!!!!!!) ... Im sooooo disappointed. hai~ English..... At most... C5 .... T.T ... I DUN WAN A C5!!!!!! gRRrRrRrrrr. Mayb I go and have another re-exam for next year. Write a better essay. Keh! I dun allow failure in my dictionary!

Hai~~~~~ NEED TO BUCK UP FOR AMATHS LE LAR!!! muz muz muz get A1.. or so i tell myself. My "the other voice" says to relax a while and play some Maplestory. =( I CANT WIN AGAINST MY NEMESIS!!!!!!!! kuso!!!!!!!!!!!

i should juz die.

leave me alone for now.

i am a loner.

i am a failure

nobody should care for me, a stupid fool.

i should just rot here.

there is no words that can save me from the dark abyss of my deep heart

no pain, no love, no nothing. It's juz a void of blankness witing my soul. Im an empty shell, i have no feelings.

2005-11-01T16:38:00.000+08:00

Today is 1/11/2005.

Countdown to O levels Theory Papers: Less than 5 days.

Revision done: None

Mood: Hack care Mood

Stress Level: Gradually Increasing

Panic Level: Super Duper Ultra Ultimate High

CUrrently: Listening to Japanese Mp3s, Blogging

Inner Thoughts: FUcking Idiot Me! *WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??? STUDYING? NO, FUCKING NO! IM PLAYING!!~~~~~ IDIOT! MORON! WHOEVER INVENT EXAMS THESE SORTS OF THINGS WILL BE SUFFERING THE IN HORRIBLE ABYSS VALLEY OF DESPAIR, LONLINESS!!!! SHIT YOU FUCKER~!*

...........

Im disappointed with myself... I cant win against the temptations from the internet. At a time like this, I am playing. What am I playing? MapleStory. The fucking childish game. Yes, Im childish. Whatever. Im playing... Goodness me. SHITZ!

I cant bring myself to do any work. It's too tedious. You know, brain damage is high, and it takes more than minutes to recover from the injuries. I hate studying. Yet, studying is make compulsory in this shitty world.

CURSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Contradicting...

*SigH......*

PRacticals are over.

We are officially graduated. No more schools for us. YET! THOSE TEACHERS WANT US BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!! T.T

Im a fucking lazy human. Go back to school, 100000000% dun feel like it. Obligation to go back: 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000%

I shouldnt be alive.

I should be dead.

What should I do now? Im confused. I feeel helpless, hopeless...

I guess, that's life.

Do some AMaths, revise bio.... coz bio nxt week!!

And so is English on nxt week. WHAT SHOULD I DO FIRST???

WAKARANAI~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!

dousurebe yokatta no???

nani ga suru ga ii deshou??

nani ga???????

katae ha doko ni iru???

mou wakaranainda....

*sobs*

*weeps

*buried*

*dead*

Manga

2005-10-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

Recently, the Manga Monster has possessed me. I can't stop reading Manga, I think I will die. /. .
I think I started this... Manga.Mood mode when I was finding Love Celeb, and then I fell in love Love Monster... and this marked the beginning of my Manga.Mood (aka M.M)

It is a very bad thing to fall in love with Manga and a time like this. It won't be if Im still secondary 1, 2 or 3... =( It happened when Im at Secondary 4... T_T Very funny... *Laugh with scarcasm* Im going to write a plan what Im going to read after O Levels!!!!

1: Love Monster
2: Hane ni Nare
3: Gakuen Alice
4: Love Celeb
5: ... Havent decided yet...

Completed Online Mangas:
1: A thousand years of snow
2: F.O.X (1st series) *COmments: the drawings are nice, the story is a little dry... =X*

That's all for my oneline manga-ing... Pathetic me. Sympathise me bah! Doing such acts at the "prologue" of O Levels... =(

*Sigh...* I hate myself.

ANd it's not only me with is in such a dire situation like me. Senyuki, you know who it is, I suppose (=X). She's in a more crazier state that I am. Im in M.M, she's In B.M aka Blood+ Mood. I would like to call it B+.M (but it kinda looks like chemical formula... so suan le!). Anyway, she asked me to blog about her Blood+ since she was lazy or something. I obligated, though I dun really have any logic reasons to do so... =D Call it a twist of fate (guess i used the wrong phrase, but I wanna write it down........... =X).

Blood+ , as you can see from the Name itself, should contains many blood... Bloody scenes, violence.... It is R21. And Senyuki is onli 16... (she broke the law... bad gurl!)

Okay, I lied. They didnt state wad the age limit was. ANyway, I guess people above age of 12 can watch bah, but who knows? Ive onli watched the 1st episode, and there's kissing scenes. And it replaced the time slot for Gundam Seed Destiny, a golden time slot wor! SO, people of all ages can watch bah, some need parental guidance? See, japan's a open-minded country, they show kids animes with kissing scenes and the transfusion of blood through CPR-style. A new way to donate blood to a person suffering from anaemia. So people, when you see a person faints, pallid face, please cut ur hand or anywhere of the body(clean parts please) and donate some blood to the victim using mouth-to-mouth method. This would certainly saves a lot of time, considering the fact that the traditional way that a blood pack and needles and sterilising equipments need to be brought... Save times and cost-efficient, rite? =D

Btw, the above... U can choose to believe or to think its a lie. But please, dun really do that in reality, the method is still in experimental stage, nobody knows what will erally happened if u did that... =X

Back to Blood+ thingy, senyuki was crazy. SHe's mad. She watched the 1st episode for I think more than 10 times (she told me that she watched 10 times recently, so I supposed it will be more now..) SHe's in love with Saya, yea, the vampire... SHe kept on telling me that Saya was cool.. red eyes..... the katana..... *and she screams.... * See, Im a good friend, let her keep on ranting, even though I dun really want to know.... T_T SHe's a spoiler... Den she dl the raw episode 2, since she cant stand waiting for the subbed version on tuesday... She watched it... and she's even crazier... *Oh my god... some1 helped me... T_T * Now she toks about her expression..... her hair... short hair long hair (okay, I told her that long hair Saya is nicer... its the truth anyway... =X). What's more? Yea, the opening and ending song. She's requesting for it already. Obviously, the PV version is not even out, nobody has the full version anyway. Someone can rip the tv-size version for her. I think I will hear her singing the opening version in school tomorrow... T_T And Saya, Saya, Saya, and more Saya....

The last time I remember her doing that was about Tsubasa Chronicle , and Black Cat manga, oh, and Zephiris... This time is the worst... It almost as if I can see her Love-shaped eyes glaring at the computer scene with the pausing scene of Saya in vampire-mode... Mayb kissing her... =X *hhahahahaha*

Hahaha, i was bullshitting anyway... I dun really mind her tokin about Blood+, cause I do that to her all the times... especially when I was in Kyo manga mood... She was patient with me, so I have to do the same to her. Repaying my debt mah... =X Hahahhaha.....

Oh shitz, My mother is threatening me to eat my noodles now, or she would have to throw it away liao..... Shitty shitz. That's all for now..... Ta-Ta!~

2005-10-13T22:57:00.000+08:00

How many years have i Stopped coming here? Oh well, stop the exaggeration le. Its juz days.

But it feels like years!!!!! WHy? Coz the teachers in the school are giving us more homeworks than we could never ever, and i repeat, NEVER EVER, coped with!!! They gave, I sighed, DUmped them in a corner, Play the computer, Get into hyperventilation mood as I looked at the computer, Brother come home, Scramed out of his sight, Watch Arts Central for Kurogane and Scrapped Princess *moans and glimmers*, Get tired, Sleep, FOrget about homework, Felt guilty the next morning.

This has been my routine for the past weeks... ever since the end of Prelim examinations... T_T

Seriously, is this stress? STRESS??? I don't know. But at least I feel much better this way than to do those homeworks. I know Im escaping from reality. But it feels great, ReaL GREAT!! ANd.. those .... f*****- teachers... they arranged a Yoga class for us next monday.

Y-O-G-A class. YOGA!!!!! Isn't it better if they give us YOGURT to eat than YOGA? Oh and by the way, I have O Level Biology Practical on Tuesday, which is the next day! How are we supposed to go into the examination lab with a relaxed and cool body and do the exam? HOW? HOW? WE WILL BE ACHING ALL OVER HEAD OVER HEELS!!!!! *PANTS PANTS....*

*Sigh.....* Guess I really need a space for me to shout. Blogging is nice.. makes me feel good about myself... *sparkling eyes~~*

And yet those Bastards take away the freedom to say, to tell and to rant our thoughts. WHERE IN THE HELL IS FREEDOM???????????? A DEMOCRACTIC SOCIETY? MY FOOT! the majority says that we speak what we want, and yet the authorities arrested people to "threaten" us. Of course, I know what those accused did. They tried to disrupt the peace of Singapore, by hurling abuse(hmm, cant remember wad the real crime is) and indiscriminately disrupted the racial harmony in Singapore. That is a big big big big crime. Yes, they should be arrested.

Oh shitz, im contradicting myself.... =( *Sigh...* Anyway, My point is... that they shouldnt take away our rights and freedom to write down our thoughts. It's our THOUGHTS, NOT THEIRS. AN Individual has his own unique and individualised characters, thus his own thoughts are his. No matter how hurtful and damaging it is to others, it is still his own thoughts.

True enough, the victims will want their abuse and lies directed to them, to be erased. ANd through the IT ethics, they are able to do so. If i am a victim, I will be glad that there is such a law. So, how do we differentiate between scandals and comments of a subject? It's hard to do it. I cant differentiate them, that's why Im escaping, Im "asterisk-ing* vulgarities and my "prey's" name...

How sad.~~~~ T_T That's my life, that is the coward me. Uh~~~ T.T

To escape from that, I chose to read mangas. Oh, and Ive been in M.M mode for quite some time now. M.M ===> Manga.Mood =D I've fell in love with: Heart, Love Monster, A thousandth SNow, Love celeb, Hana ni Nare ... There's alot, and REALLY alot of MANGAS for me to explore... Yet, there's no time for me to do that. COz O levels' juz round the corner, and i need to "pull up my socks". ANd Ive been wandering in the net searching for more mangs to satisfy and qwell my needs. Im such a fucking bitch. Geex, i cant stand myself. *Lightning strikes*....

This could be my last entry before my O levels... Sayonara, everybody. I hope I can survive this odeal... T.T

WIll i Still be in a piece after 2 months????

oh! KaMi-SaMa~~!!

2005-10-01T20:45:00.000+08:00

Im not obligated to blog, and it is more ever since the Big Time News about blogging. Oh, hell, what am I writing about... Anyway, Ive neglected this bloggy site for quite a long time. And it's time I show my care and concern to um..... him/her/it.

Ive chanced upon this site... http://dreamdreamland.blogspot.com/ while I was searching for Love Celeb torrents. (Yea, Yea, hentai me =X) While I was searching for the related love celeb stuff, I found out more about the owner of the site.

I realised that we are quite similar.

1. Both of us are girls.

2. Both are us are 16, going through the tormenting 'O' Levels (at least its tormenting to me...)

3. We like animations

4. We like Gundam Seed saga

5. We love Lacus-sama (Um... I would say that Im the one who goes all crazy over Lacus-sama. IM LACUS-SAMA OFFICAL SLAVE!!! *ahem*)

6.We just had our Preliminaries exams

7.We had over 40 for our Geography exam (Elect. Geo for me. But I only have 41, she had 43... Oh well, she's the pro. Haha)

8. We love Japanese songs, ANimations OSTs blar blar.

9. We know japanese (SHe knows more, im just a amateur =D )

10. We admit that we are half hard-core otaku

11. We live in Singapore

12. We want to study in Poly (Im not really sure about this, but I think I saw Ngee Ann Poly Mass Comm somewhere, so i supposed that's where she's gonna go~~ )

13. We can play the piano

14. We joined the choir as CCA

15. We admired Kajiura Yuki (kya~~ her composed songs, and those she sings are wonderful~~!)

16. We

"worship fairy tale romance but scorned at one that comes in my way.......i envy couples, loathed and lament about my looks, my love-less life. get jealous at a laughing group of teenagers, who are BFF. avoided huge crowds with many clichs.........avoided fashionably dressed teens. secretly admiring cute guys, knowing that they would never bat an eye-lid.......sad life i have.........."

(It's not nice to be like that, but I am like that too. Contradicting, huh? And, to add on, I admire cute guys, only manga and anime cute guys. I dun see 1 in real-life, so I guess im missing big things, eh?)

See how much similarities we have?? LOL. But most of all, I admired her. Below are the points:

1. Her English is damn good. (Somehow, I hate English more than any subjects)

2. SHe knows Japanese more than I do (she can translate Honou no Tobira !!.... Urayamashi~~~ T.T

3. She can write her blog to a very large entent... *.* (sparkles)

4. She aims for less than 8 points for the O's... *.* (More sparkles~~~)

5. She dares to say out her feelings in the virtual reality where law is still available... (I dun, I dun have the courage to do so T.T)

6. She has a nice relationship with her teachers... (I have always maintained a distance from the teachers... they are not to be trifled with, to me... )

7. I wonder where she can get all those japanese songs... I wan to hear them too~~~~

Well, enough of all these admirations and rantings... It's really nice to find out that somewhere else, there is somebody who does almost the same things as you did. To me, it's more of a comfort. Why? Because I guess this means that Im not doing something stupid for the past few years: ie, animations, animations, animations,animations, and more animations, final fantasy, games..., cloud-sama,laucus-sama... blar blar.

Besides visiting to such holy sacred blogsites, I was downloading manga from mIRC the whole day. Love celeb, Love Monster... Hentai me..... *sniggles* =D

OH!! BUt, bUT, BUt!!! I dun think Love Monster is hentai. At least not as hentai as Love Celeb... It does contains scenes like the tearing of clothes... kissing... a little touching of here and there, there's not much. (hM... it does seems hentai...) Oh well, to save efforts, I would've classify Love Monster to be in the Shoujo typey. Hm~~~~~~ =)

That's all for the simple and clean(since it doesnt contain any pictures, excluding dirty talks =X) report of my boring Saturady life. =)

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

2005-09-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

I definitely have to, must, blog about this.

This is an anime/CG/whatever-it-is I've been waiting all my life. Okay, not ALL, but ever since I heard of the news.

I have only one emotion. T.T I'm so touched!! I've finally watch it! I was thinking of ordering it online many months ago, but since it doesn't have english subtitles, I might as well wait for them.

People changes, and so does their luck. I won't say that I've changed, but my luck is definitely changing, to the BETTER!!! (I hope this stays forever)I found a subbed Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, subbed by anime-source. Oh My God! My Heart almost leaped out!!!~~~ I could onli stared at it, wide-mouth... And Frankly speaking, i would want to cry, tears of happiness. But, oh well, it seems exaggerating.

I saw my beloved Cloud. Cloud Strife. CLoud. Cloud. CLoud. Cloud... Why is there a Tifa beside him?? (burns with jealousy)

After my Lacus-sama, my No. 1 SUPER-model-body-with-cool-attitude-handsome-guy would be..... CLOUD STRIFE!!!!!!

By the way, Lacus-sama is anime-world-most-beautiful-plus-gentle-feminine-generous-and-above-all-she-sings-very-well . She is the one I adored much, the one I love much, the one I respected alot...

Whenever I thought of Cloud, I can go (*ahhhhhhh......*), and, ahem, im not thinking of dirty things. (please dun be disgustin! )LOL, anyway, I love the show. Just that, it's too SHORT! can't they lengthen it? I wan more mORE MORE CLOUD!!!

And!! Cloud's cast is great!!! Sakurai Takeshiro aka Shibuya Yuuri. I like him too!! And Kadaj's cast is terribly great, though I hate Kadaj, aka Shikamaru from Naruto.

TO add on, Kadaj's cast, whose name I can't remember, is a motion action for the show. Ie. he provide his body for the show for the making of the characters, and im sorry if I sound horny. =)

Sephiroth's cast... aka Naraku from Inuyasha, and Conrad from Kyou Kara Maou... He sounds nice, and MATURE!!!!!I suppose that's why they choose him!!!Aeris's cast: Maaya Sakamoto. A lot of people are fans of her. I don't know why. I don't hate her, but I don't Like her either. =( Dun understand.

I suppose everyone who watched the show knows that... the motorbikes there are damn cool. Way too COOL! For example, CLoud's, his motorbike can keep his damn big swords within itself. Then suddenly "Kiang", a few swords appear from nowhere. And!! No matter how the enemies push/force the motorbike, as in during battling, it keeps on moving... *aRhhhhh.....* it doesnt even need a rider, and it can move, and catch the driver wherever he is... Cool, rite? However, it is damn big, and it looks heavy, very heavy.

No countries have had this kind of motorbikes. Way too cool...

The battles damn confusing, but... NICE! They can fly here, jump there and they won't die. (that's why they are called animes)I want to jump like Cloud did, when he fought with the summon beast (I suppose Bahamut)!!!

I wan their ribbons too!! The group: Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Red XX (dunno how many X and I;call him the wolf), Barret, Cid... They have a pink ribbon tied to their left upper arm, I suppose it signifies that they are a group. Strangely, I dun see any on Vincent Valentine's arm. Perhaps its hidden under the mantle, or it could be that he couldn't tie it since his armour's too thick.

I want the ribbon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hai~~~ (Too much of excitement today...) =(

I wan FINAL FANTASY!!!!!!!

one day, im gonna make a game that's as nice as FF!!!!! That's my dream. Am I able to realise it? Im a sucker in playing game. Really. One who cant play game can create a game. Possible?

Side-track: Today is the first time Im playing pq, but it's also the last time Im playing it. Because I leveled up to 31, and cannot play liao. =(

ラクス様ー Lacus-sama

2005-08-26T21:03:00.000+08:00

ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　ラクス　！！！！

ラクス様が大好き！！！！！

I love Lacus. Her speech in GSD 44 sparked me off, I'm all hers. I am her slave now, forever. =)

I'm not supposed to post this picture here, but oh well... I love this pic sooo~~~ much that I need to share it in the blog!

This avatar is taken from here I did a little sharpening to make it look... SHarP! =D 赦してくれ～～

Hell of a day, combined humanities Prelims... Wonder why we have an earlier prelim than any other NORMAL school? Coz the principal wanted us to have more time to study for out O levels, if we did badly or did not. ANyway, I appreciate her forward-looking (?). But Im stressed out. I've been having headache since yesterday, and the only reason I could dig out is the stuffing of geography and social studies stuffs inside my head for juz 1 day. =(

Worst off, we will be having physics and chemistry paper 2 next week!!! Im shitty fucked up. Yet, I've not touch my books. I've been dreaming all day(not sleeping), watching animations and adoring the sky.... (bLuE bLuE SKy~~~)

That was when I watched Gundam Seed Destiny Episode 44. Most anticipating episode I've ever wanted!~~ The clashes of 2 Lacus. WooOhHooo~!~~~ Off course, our real Lacus won the speech war. Mia Campbell was left speechless, and I felt sympathetic for her... since she's gonna be disposed by the eVillIsh Dullindal Gilbert. 可哀想. =(

Downloaded Mahou sensei Negima 24~26. Completed except Epi 23, no fansub groups did that. Anyway, a heart-throbbing and emotionally-driven ending. Never expected Asuna is acquinted with the Thousand Masters (or Nagi Springfield, Negi Springfield's father.... Nagi and Negi... lOLx)Anyway, Nagi kinda got hurt and he disappeared... Gotta find out from the manga what really happened to him, which means 3 more months before I really allowed myself to touch those sacred books... ~~~ 頑張れましょう！！！ There seems to be a black-haired boy, same height and supposedly same age as Neji, in the manga. Really wanna find out~~~~~~!!! ArGh!~~

personal part:

私を憎しみ　嫌いってとしても、平気になる。もう　気になる事はしない。大丈夫だから。

I know my jap sux, but I managed to express my feeling to the best. Oh well~~

It doesn't really matter anymore. Afterall, I don't wish to know anything about this world, the complext feelings, the ugly side of humans. It's better not to see. I am running away, but I don't mind. In time to come, I might be able to face such feeling. It doesn't matter. 本当に。

And Ive to apologise. Im sorry... to whoever wants the apology. =) There are many whom Ive offended, but I never did remember who it was, and I never say it. Thus, here is my sincere apologies, accept it or not is ur choice. この言葉は無駄じゃない。

ScrewEdD

2005-08-18T18:43:00.000+08:00

Fuck...

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

FUCK!

And I suck!

Screwed up my piano exam. BYe bye Grade 6 certificate. =(

It was wrong not to practise on the piano for even a second.

Regrets.... =(

Damn the stupid fucking hands.

Succumb to the harsh coldness of the confine room. Can't even act according to what my brain told it. The nervous system is at fault.

I hate myself.

Everything went wrong today.

Step on somebody's show. SHe looked pretty upset.

Cramped the MRT with my fucking idiotic big big big bag

Walk around Plaza SIngapura with the school uniform, people eyeing me with strange glances.

I hate myself.

Why can't I start my revision?

2005-08-12T18:17:00.000+08:00

OH MY gOdzZ!!! I cant believe it....!!! I got an A1 for my CHINESE O LEVEL?? IS THAT FOR REAL?? *blink blink* ...

Oh well, I can't reconfirm if I really get it. But anyway, It was really beyong my imagination. I got all depress because of my oral that time, that I really went into depression, literally. But, it seems, I was right afterall. My Chinese Oral results definitely sucks. Merit. *bleH* Stupid fucking mouth. Stupid fucking urine.

Now I'm blaming my urine (please dun get all gross-looked face). If I didn't drink that whole plastic bottle of jasmine green tea, I won't be holding that amount of liquid within my bladder for at least 3 hrs, and cause my mouth and brain to get all shocked when they said "superstarsZ". Urine Makes Wonder.

And I still remember how frustrated and irritated I was today's morning. I had mentally + physically prepared to re-take my chinese. This proves the almighty GoDz do really exist!!! *blinkey blinkey* But I wonder, if this is all a dream? When I wake up, ... =( I never got to check the paper, im getting anxious... =(

I shall erase all uncertainties now, and enjoy this wonderful dream... *flies* It seems I secure (?) an A... English is my next next next enemy... *ScreAmS* Why IS there English???????? WHy WhY? My english always, well basically almost everytime, faIls!!! When can I get a rest???

I want to play games!!! GAMES!!! FINAL FANTASY!!! MAPLE STORY!!! WHATEVER!!! BUt ive deleted maple story liao... =(

and to make things worse out of worst, I got a piano practical exam next thursday, 18/8 ... DaMn It!! it seems that exam will never ever be over!!! And I have yet to perfect my 3rd selected piece and my Aural... (or was it Oral?? cant remember the name).. My singing sucks. I will just be embarassing myself down there!

It seems as if whenever a setback came, or rather a failure, one will tend to push the blame to others. Well, I think it is okay to do that. =). Why? Coz if we don't, we will just be harder on ourself, and we can't move on, not from that spot. And nothing will happen if we just stand there, blaming ourself. However, it is not healthy to be always pushing the blame. One will be unrealistic when one refuses to admit his wrongs. And he can't grow and learn from the mistake. This is how the world works I think.

One more surprise for myself. I spent the time yesterday for my studying for Combine Humanitites Mock Exam, to search for *ahem* pictures. =) I won't mention his name. His own picture that he had took a lot of effort (i think) to conceal, and I was determined to dig out him. After several attempts, I finally found it!!! *whistles* Well, I won't post his classics here, but anyway, it was fun to find out. HaHAz =D

Lastly, I hope I can start studying. My physics, English, a Lil of Chemistry, Biology, and definitely Social Studies. WHat have I left out?

O Level English Oral

2005-08-11T16:39:00.000+08:00

Well, today's the big big day. Had the Oral today. :( I won't say that I did very good, but at least I didn't stumble like I did when I went for the Chinese Oral.

At least we didn't get back the chinese results today, which I considered as a consolence. At least I could concentrate on the oral, rather than the idea of having re-test... T.T

Well, from what I remember, I said 'durian fruit' and 'curry puff party' for the picture description. Hey, the teachers said to say whatever we liked. So, without any hesistation, I just blabbered it out. The heck care with relations!! If I dun say it out, I might get mouth constipation and I won't be able to think properly, and thus, my oral will be the same like the chinese. Which of course, I would rather die than to let it happen AGAIN!

One thing to note from the examiners, the 'rather intelligent-and-experienced teacher on my left was very spontaneous. While the young-and-looking-serenade teacher on my right was... quiet. I get the chill when I looked at her. Bad experience, and it seems as if I could only get the attention of the 1st teacher. /. .

I might get too despondent tomorrow, what with the social studies and geography mock exams, and... the release of the chinese results. And i might not be able to blog... ~.~ whatever le lar!! at least i feel some freedom in writing, and the openess from my heart to be truthful to myself.

I realise that when one is truthful to oneself, the ability to be open-hearted is very wide. (not sure if i make sense here, oh well...)

I think I sprained my still-healing left ankle again. It bloated up a little. I was prepared to run tomorrow ( i mean pe.), looks like... I will still run slowly. =)Ms Agnes(strange surname ... >.<) had been, I think, pissed off at me for just sitting down at the bench looking at the scenary... It's just a hunch, my my premonition is somehow accurate, so it would be best if I could just get my ass up and exercise...

sore jya, needa rush off and finish social studies remaining chapters and the yet-to-be-touched geography textbook... =(

2005-08-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

damn long piece of shit shitted here.
Today is National Day's Eve. Tomorrow is National Day! And that means
HOLIDAYS!!!! We won't have school til Thursday!~~ YeaH~Weird thing though, this is the most boring National Day I ever had in
my Secondary Life. Must be because of the humidity in the morning, or did I
wake up too early??
I'm a traitor. Not a patriot. Im leaving the country if I ever had a
change. WHy? cOz there is no Four Seasons here, no SUmmer, no Spring, No
Autumn, NO WINTER!! NO SNOW??!!! I wan SnoW!!!~~
Tokin about Patriotism, Japan is one country that really showed that. I had watched "Hiroshima Part I" on Sunday 7.30. It was rather depressing and... somehow I feel sympathetic.
As everyone knows, hiroshima was bombed with the first atomic bomb by the Americans during World War II. Let's just not talk about who was right, who was wrong. The fact is, the atomic was plunged and killed many many people. On 5th August 19?? (sry for my lack of information), Ernola Gay was dropped. That atomic bomb gave out a flash of white light, and heated everything beneath up up to 4000 degress (as what I have heard of...), after that a force of heat will spread to the surroundings. People directly under the bomb vanished, black markings remains where they were.
During WWII, all Japaneses, females; old; young; (i think) were trained to defend their own country and were prepared to sacrifice themselves for the country. There were also suicide bombers soldiers. They were trained to plunge themselves to the enemies' tanks when commanded, and trigger the bomb.
I hadn't see this kinda patriotism in my whole life, except in manga. And I thought, those mangas were just exaggerating and lies were hidden beneath. Looks like I am wrong, hellda WRONG!
I am going to watch the Part II again, a nice documentaries. Especially to a traitor to me... D=
Coming back to the reality, I am here sitting in front of the computer, typing furiously to my blog. And if I seem oblivion, I apologise. But, I do know the truth that "O" levels are coming, and my death is nearing. The day right after the last day of out National Day holiday, will be out English Orals... And to worsen things, we have our Chinese O level results revealed that day. GOodness me, they are really killing 2 birds with a stone. Crash my confidence and secured my failure in the English oral.
Dead, I am...
ANd now, I am left with nothing but a pile of troubles and miseries. Only songs can save me from the devilish abyss of SchOoL...

ＹＯＵ 作詞：ＡｌＡｉ作曲：アッチョリケ編曲：鈴木マサキ唄：ＹＵＲＩＡ
胸に抱くキミへの言葉いつか伝えたいな
零れる微熱　高鳴る鼓動
始まりは分からないけど一度気付いた　消せない想い嘘にはもう出来ないから
出会えたのがありふれた偶然だとしても特別な意味を感じてる

キミのそばに居られることをいつも神様に感謝です迷いのないキミの横顔ずっと眺めていたい
キミと二人過ごす時間が揺るぎない力をくれるよ
ふいに浮かぶキミへの言葉いつか伝えたいな
僅かに触れる暖かい指優しい台詞　それだけで夢の続きを見ているような不思議な気持ちになれるよ

もしもいつの日かお互いを見失ってもまた何度でも巡り会える
キミの大切な思い出にどうか私も居ますように見たことないキミの世界をもっと分けて欲しい

キミが願うことの全てを余すことなく叶えたいよ信じられるキミのためなら何にでも変われる
――それは色めく花のように　　遠く咲き誇る物語
　　決して消えはしない音色が　　風に乗せて響く――
キミと二人過ごす時間が揺るぎない力をくれるよ祈り込めるキミへの言葉深く届くように
YOU
Lyrics: AlAi Compose: Acchorike Arrange: Masaki Suzuki Vocal: YURIA mune ni daku kimi eno kotoba itsuka tsutaetai na
koboreru binetsu, takanaru kodou hajimari wa wakaranai kedoichido kidzuita, kesenai omoi uso niwa mou dekinai kara
deaeta no ga arifureta guuzen dato shitemo tokubetsu na imi wo kanjiteru
kimi no soba ni irareru koto wo itsumo kamisama ni kansha desu mayoi no nai kimi no yokogao
zutto nagameteitai
kimi to futari sugosu jikan ga yuruginai chikara wo kureru yo
fui ni ukabu kimi eno kotoba itsuka tsutaetai na
wazuka ni fureru atatakai yubi yasashii serifu, sore dake deyume no tsudzuki wo miteiru you na fushigi na kimochi ni nareru yo
moshimo itsu no hi ka otagai wo miushinattemo mata nando demo meguriaeru
kimi no taisetsu na omoide ni douka watashi mo imasu you ni mita koto nai kimi no sekai wo motto wakete hoshii
kimi ga negau koto no subete wo
amasu koto naku kanaetei yo shinjirareru kimi no tame nara nanni demo kawareru

--sore wa iromeku hana no youni tooku sakihokoru monogatari kesshite kie wa shinai neiro ga kaze ni nosete hibiku--
kimi to futari sugosu jikan ga yuruginai chikara wo kureru yo inori komeru kimi eno kotoba fukaku todoku you ni
YOU
Lyrics: AlAi Compose: Acchorike Arrange: Masaki Suzuki Vocal: YURIA These words I hold for you within my heart, I hold I can tell them to you someday.
Almost feverish as my heart beat faster, I had no idea what that feeling was at first.
But once I realized it, I can no longer erase my feelings. I can no longer lie to myself.
Even if meeting you was just a trite accident, I can sense a special meaning to it.
I give my thanks to god everyday, For letting me stay beside you.
I want to keep looking at you from your side, Your profile is always without a trace of hesitation.
The time I spent alone with you, Gives me unwavering strength. Unknowingly these words for you came to my mind, I hope I can tell them to you someday.
A slight touch of your warm fingers And some words of kindness were all it took. Almost like watching a dream's continuation, These strange feelings form within me.
Even if we ever lose sight of each other one day, We will surely meet again no matter what.
I pray that I'm in your precious memories. I've never seen before the world you are from, But I want to know more about it.
I want to grant you everything that you wish for, And not a single bit less. I trust you with my heart, For you, I will change myself into anything.

--Like the colorful flowers, A story is blooming far away. The colors that will never disappear, Ride on the wind and resound--
The time I spent alone with you,
Gives me the strength to support me. These words filled with prayers for you, I hope they reach deep into your heart.

darkmirage

2005-08-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

Darkness filled within me, all the lights and feelings are squeezed out. What can I do?
Running Away From Everything.
Hiding From All The Things.
Wising For A Star To Fall.
Hoping To Step Away.
Run.
Impetuous is Me.

2005-08-01T19:49:00.000+08:00

Blogging again. Nothing special happened today. Just that I saw a dead bird(i think it is dead) lying, or rather sitting, in the middle of the road.
I was hoping to get a glance and sit down at "Edo Sushi" today, eating the Japanese food. Shu Jun and me were going to have our a/maths tuition at 3.30pm and since the sch ends at 2.00om, why not? Damn the bus, waiting to rot there talking about Destiny's and Strike Freedom's wings. Finally the bus came.
We reached the destination almost at 3.00pm, and we were told that it will be closing. After all that preparations for eating a good meal and looking at the delicious menu? It was hell. Anyway, I get to eat MacDonald's... YeaH~~
The new tuition centre has a super antique lift, which has been there ever since I was 5 (and im 15/16 now). It is not about how old it looks or the desire for new things. The lift was old, ancient, primitive and most of all slow and warm. It can take 1 minutes to reach the 3rd floor. Standing in the warm and slow lift for a whole minute? You'll be cooked before you are out. And what if the lift broke down? 3RD FLOOR, mind you. I can get to the 3rd floor within seconds, but the staircase is eerie (bad for health in this sEaSonN). They should really change it, if they have budget. =(
Government is imposing the banning of smoking in public areas by nxt year July. "YEahHH!!~~", for non-smokers. "WHAt The HELl?? I WIll Die wiThout CiGaretTes!! FuCK**** !#$%^&*", (supposedly) for smokers. It's a good thing for non-smokers and the people. Singapore will have more old people nxt time, since we dun die of second-hand smoking and lung cancer and not blamed for air pollution, and perhaps have more money since we dun spent on CigarettesS.
The kopitiam would have had the worst-off scenario. No people would go there and take a puFF or PufFS. They will go and eat curry PuFFs.
Do I sound sacarstic??? Oh well, can't change, a habit. And i dun wish to change.
When will I be studying instead of doing blogging and watching animes? PatheTic LiFe. It seems as if the more people are asking me to do, the more I will not do and will shirk the responsibility. Even though I know of the consequences, my hand will never work. Is this what Procrastination is? Wonder why people invent such word. If not for them, there would be no procrastination in this fucking world. =(

2005-07-29T22:08:00.000+08:00

My feet is feeling better.I mean I am feeling much better. =) hM... How long am I going to keep on saying about my stinking feet???
I've been to West Coast today, to spread my evil hand on the manga. ANd i onli get Fruits Basket vol.17. Weird, I thought. According to my cousin, Samurai Deeper Kyo vol. 32 SHOULD be out. To my dismay, it wasn't in the shop at the base floor. And according to new information given by my dearest cousin, she said I should buy it at the 2nd floor. *...* And I was standing at the 2nd floor, looking intently at the glass panel of the shop. [:I] Fuck.
The thought to even go in has never ever occured in my mind, because my impression of the shop is that it always loan manga, they dun sell manga. Apprarently, I am fucking wrong.
Now, I have to wait for another chance before I get my hands on my favourite manga. This period is so devastating. Fire of Miseries is engulfing me now. As good as dead.
Miraculously, I have to mention, my spectacles survived. My bloody, wonderful spectacles survived after a free fall from the 4th floor of our school. Murdered, and is accused of manslaughter, by me. Yes, the owner. The only lost is, my specs, hurt itself and had a lost a little chip at the side. But it is nothing compared with a broken spectacles. Blame my playfulness.
I was playing with my spectacles when walking back to class from... Anyway, my hand slipped and it flew to the ground. All I can do was to stare straight, realising my specs gone in the other direction, and remain speechless while my friends keep on talking. Until Yan Lin said "What flew out?" Of course I said "My specs...?" Fuckingly, then, I rushed down to the 1st floor and get the specs back.
People who have a specs, or want to have a specs, I am here to advertise the spectacles of mine. The frame is made from Japan. YEs, JAPAN. [I LOVE JAPAN. Call me a blood traitor for all your likes.] As for the glass, I dunno.
BUY JAPAN PRODUCTS AND YOU WILL NOT FRET WHEN YOUR SPECS DROPPED FROM A HUNDRED METRE TALL BUILDING!
By the way, did i say that I am a sexist? Controversial matters or not, I am one. Most likely everybody knows. Anyway, I dislike and loathe Males. M-A-L-E-S. They brought miseries to this world, and females were supposed to be clean up their trash and all. I am almost at discomfort whenever a male is around, and I will remain silent. However, I can talk normally and perfectly if it is in the virtual world, ie MSN those types.
I suppose this should be something that I should not say, the likes of me or not. Yet, I can't remain silent and not recognise this part of me. I am one, and might always be one. ANd dun speak of fucking marriage in front of me. Love is all illusion and tasting it will cause ur doomsday. Trust me, dun ever even think of Falling in Love.

2005-07-28T19:09:00.000+08:00

Hm... Seems like my eyes were playing tricks on me. The song played at the end, or rather the middle part, of Gundam Seed Destiny 40 doesn't have “暁” Akatsuki.
FictionJunction YUUKA - 焔の扉 (Honoo no Tobira).
Interesting... =)
ANd Kyou Kara Maou 46 by AonE and Ani_Kraze is out too!! BUt point-blank.cc is still down. :(
Another gd piece of new for me:
Samurai Deeper Kyo vol. 32 is out too!! Fruits basket Vol. 17!! Thanx to my cousin for telling me the information!!~~

Images taken from: www.tongli.com.tw

WIll be going to West Coast sooner to get my hands on these favourite books of mine~~!!

My left feet is now a dumpling, and i mean the whole feet, by the way. I guess there is alot of water inside that "dumpling"

Can someone please, please, please, please, please tag? My boring life is getting even more boring... Please entertain me...

/. .~

2005-07-27T18:49:00.000+08:00

Gundam Seed Destiny epi 40 by Haro^2 Tori^2 is finally out!!!~~ Yeah~~ There is a new song by FictionJunction Yuuka(the formidable duo Kajiura Yuki and Yuuka) sung at the -almost- end of the show, when they show the golden Akatsuki. Wonder why they always have their music put together with Cagalli.
Anyway, it will be a good song as before like [Akatsuki] (the mp3, not the mobile suit). Im not sure of the name yet, and if I remember correctly, there is this word “暁”, romanji: akatsuki.
Anyway, they sure like akatsuki... Even Naruto's bad guy team is called Akatsuki...
:I

2005-07-26T20:19:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be a damn long piece of post,containing just words and no pictures, you have been warned...

The friggin ankle is still soring, as big as dumpling?? Exactly how big is a dumpling? Anyway, I took off the wrapping paper... okay, cloth. The smell was 'herby', i would say TOO 'herby'. But anyway, I can walk now. Halirariluuu~~

It was awkward this morning, considering 2 large tbs, 1 TYS and a humongous file. I walked up to the 2nd floor, where that heckalot hall is. Ask a favour to Wang qin to mark my attendence... Walk up slowly to the classroom at the 4th floor. Switch on the lights and fans (wondering if this would cause expenditure to the school)-and did i mention it was raining?-. Then the fucking secondary 1 across the classroom shouted " HEY! HE/SHE DIDNT' GO FOR ASSEMBLY!" I feel like killing him/her...(seriously, the youngsters nowadays are not CUTE) Then, putting aside my hatred, I closed the window near Szeling's seat(not sure if she noticed when she came back),so that it won't attract any attention. But anyway, prefects came later. =| Fuck.
They asked "why aren't you at the assembly?"
"Um... My leg is injured" and 1 of them came in.
"oh!!~~~"and they walked off, waving gdbye to me...
that was kinda nice.
Next, a security guard came. i thought the security guards in out school were... a little chubby, but he look real fit(better than those...)
"why aren't you attending the briefing?"
*wad the hecka is briefing? should be the assembly, i think* "eh... i...i..." stood up because im really tired of explaining...
Finally, all is over. After several mummurings when ppl past by the classroom, classmates finally filled the empty spaces in between. T_T
School was a sore in the neck, or the leg in my case. Anyway, chemistry test is on Wednesday!!~~ well, which is tomorrow. and to add on, we have maths mock exam on thursday, friday amaths revision test. And... cme exam. Seriously, i dun think we need to study for CME. BUt after much persuasion by Achiang, i got a little panic. If i failed CME, i might be condemned to "the worst no-common sense being in the world" and i cant get a job... and no poly, no animes... consequences are very very bad...

I need to write it down, in case I suddenly have the lost of memory whether is it temporary or permanently.

There is a need for everyone, especially OTAKUS, to visit this webby, it contains a lot of information about animes and most of all, he is a singaporean. =) Im happy that there is somebody out there in Singapore who loves animes, and also hold such a big hoster (?).

FOr consolation of my behaviour today... I downloaded "Amaenaideyo!!"Basically, its another pervetic story, and you COULD deem it as "lame"... *sorry if i offended some amaenaideyo fans*. Ive just watched 2 episodes, and i have yet to take a liking on this anime. The main character, Ikko, will be superpower monk when he is exposed to some heart-throbbing scenes... such as *naked bodies*. The story has the buddhism background, takes place in a temple and all. One guy and all hotty gurls...

Ive just started watching Shuffle!.The anime seems to be adapted from a game by Navel... Correct me if im wrong. And this is another story, with a guy and hotty gurls. BUt this story is much intriguing that Amaenaideyo!! There is two girls, 1 came from the demon world, the other came from the god world. And both are the daughters of the kings of the other world. Furthermore, the guy has been living with a gurl who is the princess of the school. What's interesting is what had happened which lead to the situation that gods and demons are migrating to the earth? That;s what kept mi chasing.

Disappointment: HaroHaro & ToriTori subbed Gundam Seed Destiny 40 is not yet out. =( Might be because of pointblank.cc tracker is down for the time being...

I hate clothes, and ive said that. BUt when i took another sight at the newly-bought clothes... Ive fall in love with my clothes. I think the reason is because they are BLACK. Ive never had black clothes before, and this is the 1st time i bought so much black clothes.
Did I mention that I wanted to get a black lipstick? The evil me is wanting to get a makeup to become gothic... Yea... G-O-T-H-I-C. Black suits me... *grins* =)

and now i have to get back to the reality world, hit myself with books and study whether i like it or not. tests tests tests....

2005-07-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

Monday Blues... Haha... Everybody sure has Monday Blues, but I think I have Leg B(r)uise... No, I definitely have it. Firstly in the morning, I saw Kai Ee's pinky finger wrapped in -ey- 'bun', that was funny. So I laughed. Of course, it was a bad thing. Anyway, I was imagining her with her pinky finger sticking out during our pledge taking, So i giggle. Disappointing, she didnt put her right fist to her chest. =( Guess she heard my giggles. Before you think this as a lame post and a evil-hearted owner, I need to report something. Or actually, it is a confession. I'm Sorry, GOD!! I shouldn't have laughed at her!! I'm Sorry!!!! Kai Ee... IM SORRY!!! (I dun think she can hear me, or see this message...) I got my retribution... I hurt my left leg. What's the english word for 折到脚？My perfectly normal left leg is now permanently damaged. Ｉ have my right leg of course, but I hurt it many years ago, and under certain circumstances, it will "criaok" and 'dislocate'? Now, My legs are not in their original shape anymore. I have to sit in the wheelchair... I dun wan to go to schoool!!!!! It's sho awkward!!~~~ =( *PS. Exaggeration is in the context. Please only believe some of the information...*

2005-07-24T09:47:00.000+08:00

In this late and sleepy Sunday morning, I woke up, preparing for my tuition... Hai~~ sianzZzZ~~!!I came to take a liking to the blog, I mean my blog. Hahahahaha!! The picture is tooooo cute!~ Really thanx to "Da creator" and "The artist", and also the background music "Fragments of Memories"... Oh GoD~ Im gonna fainttttt* However, this emotion is really shortlived, sooner I will stop, or rather rarely, take my time and write the blog... Mainly because of my Laziness and "Busy-ness"...August is coming, National Day Is coming, 'O' Level CHinese exam results are coming out, Piano Practical exam is coming... Prelims are coming... What more is coming?? Oh yea, Doom's Day Coming... And I have yet to study, I wanted to read Social Studies but I never did, and my excuses are always "tv lar", "computer lar" blar blar... Damn Mi... Hate Me... Kill Me... LiFe SUx, and so do SchooL!

Inuyasha Movie 4

2005-07-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

Oh My GOd!~~~ The most anticipating movie I've been waiting for (sometimes the passion die out)~~ at least 1 year... It is FINALLY out! Finally, I could see Inuyasha using his kiba sword kicking ass! I heard that the movie was continuous to where the series stopped... or am I wrong??? But anyway, I had almost forgot that there is still a movie, waiting to be watched. 2nd thing, Full metal panic The Second Raid - 02 is also out, havent watched, but it is DAMN nice! 3rd, I started to watch "Shuffle!", quite a nice anime. The usual stuff, a boy surrounded by dozens of girls~~~ =)

2005-07-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

I just been to Jurong Point to do my shopping... to buy my deadliest enemy: CLOTHES... I hate it, hate it, hate it... and I really wonder why human beings have to wear clothes! If not for Eve to eat that fruit (is it apple?), the god wun have to punish human and from then on, we will feel embarass not to have any things to cover ourselves... And for godsake!!! Clothes are expensive... I bought 4 shirts and a skirt and it's $350! You know how many mangas I can buy with these money??? 70!!!! Furthermore, due to the "kiasu-ism" of a typical SIngaporean, you would do anything to get a member/privilege/discount card. SHo, my mother and mi got the card. And to my very dismay, they said that to 'prolong the lifespan' of the card, you have to spend $1000 every year... they fucking ******! Like I would spend my whole day in their store and buy stupid clothes, which I hated very very much!!That's why I am here to propose~ Friends, if you are going to Espirit, please tell me... I am sincerely pleading that you can use my card, so that they will not cancel the membership. =)

2005-07-23T13:09:00.000+08:00

This is the first post in the bloggy~~~
ANyway, to view the *foreign* words in this post, please select [[unicode(UTF-8) ]] in encording at +view+ above...

=)